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Dating men who have never been married

I recently took a chance and went out with a man who was 39 and never been married. He also had never had any children. This was against my "morals" so to speak because of the old "forte" I was brought up with that men over 35 who have never been married are extremely selfish. This guy's reason was that he just hadnt met the right "one". He claimed he loved children as well. Needless to say, he was very selfish , and did not know how to relate to my daughter(shes 13), altho she did her best to make him feel comfortable and include him in alot of her daily activities (basketball, games, etc). He eventually told me that I needed to choose between him and my daughter thus the "forte" I had heard was proven true that he was selfish.

What are yalls thoughts on dating someone who has never been married?

It's only one guy. He doesn't speak for all of them, not to mention being married and then divorced seems far more of a red flag, than someone who remained single and didn't marry when he knew better.

The logic seems more reasonable and more likely to ring true.

I have never been married or had kids, and it's because I know it's just not for me, but I wouldn't call it selfish. That man might have been, but I am sure his status wasn't the indicator - I think it was just that his personality wasn't the best.

Some want all that but just haven't had the right relationships, some wait longer due to a demanding career, and both men AND women do this. I would say chalk this guy up to a bad experience and give it another chance if you meet another man with the same status.

1st of all: Thank~you very much for considering me to be extremely selfish. As I'm over 35 and never been married.
Shit, it's nice to know that a woman wouldn't date me, because my never being divorced or never fathering a bunch of bastard kids is against her "morals".


I would, selfishly like to think that my never being married, or have had children yet, may offer some possitive signs to a lady.
I never intended to marry, or father children, until I've hopefully found the right person. I don't know if you can easilly say that about the guy who's been divorced 3 times, and has children with 5 different mothers.

I'd also like to say that I've never settled for a woman. I'd hope that this would imply to a woman that if I'm interested in a serious relationship with her, she should consider it a sincere compliment to herself, and know that I really think highly of her.



Perhaps some single people my age are selfish. Others may not be. Maybe, rather than generalising an entire group of people, you should realise that everyone is different and you'll have to get to know a person.


I see this thread as another example of a person who's made their own bad choice, (allowing a person into her life, and then learning that he's selfish) and as a result, generalising an entire group (all unmarried men over 35 must be selfish.)

I gotta admit, this is a new one. I’ve heard of folks not wanting to date someone who has been married before or has kids, but I have never heard of anyone who won’t date someone who hasn’t been married or have kids. I understand the logic f the former (‘cause I’m one of them), but to assume there’s something wrong with a guy because he doesn’t have a past seems a little closed-minded. It just add to this burden that society puts on people to get married and start a family. Not wanting one doesn’t make a guy selfish: he just wants different things out of life. Perhaps it’s different in your case because you do have kids and therefore need someone who is comfortable with children.

i would rather date someone who's never been married. yes you could question why he's never been married, but then again isn't that better than dating a man who's been married several times? because it's then that i'd start wondering why he's been divorced so many times.

i don't mind if a man's been married once and things didn't work out, it happens, but too many more times and i'd be wondering why!
so i'll definately prefer to stick to the men who have never been married.

i suppose then, if you start deciding on who you'd date and who you wouldn't date, aren't we then prejudging people just because they've been married or haven't been married?
we don't choose who we fall in love with and if i happened to fall for someone who'd been married 3 times, i wouldn't end it right away, maybe i would ask questions, and yes i'd prefer to date someone who's never been married, but we don't always get what we'd prefer to have.

Frankly, if you think long enough you can claim ANYONE is selfish, "she got pregnant when she was '-age-' because she "WANTED" to have a child. He got married 'cause he needed a heir to the throne. SIK got it right, we are all individuals regardless to our age, gender and status. It may be human nature to pigeon-hole people and make generalisations.
Simply put, find a process of deciding who you will date, and go with it. Just remember that it is your future that you're dealing with and make sure that you can live with your own 'mistakes'. It is seldom that you can reverse a mistake so be carefull that you are not too extreme with this process. IE: Don't we all have a few regrets?

I have to admit that when I see a profile of a guy that is 40 + and he states he's never been married and has no children I kinda wonder. While I do wonder I make no snap judgements until I get to know they guy. Just because he's never been married or has no children doesn't mean he hasn't been in any long-term relationships.

I stayed single till 2000, at that time i was 42, met a girl on the internet, we got on great, things moved on she had children, i could never be the replacement father, but was a great uncle.
we married in 2004, then one year later, her mother died, and she told me the bombshell, she was gay, been gay through her 1st marriage, and had children just to hide it from her parents.
Being scottish, its still very hard to come out.
I didnt even know, but she still married me, why i've still not got a clue, i've given her my blessing, moved on with my life.
So the message is staying single amd waiting, is just as difficult, as getting hitched younger.
I'm quite open minded, and can move on.
So we should all move on and not seek perfection, as perfection only exists in ur mind.

Failed marriages and children born out of wedlock are mistakes. They might be happy mistakes, but they’re definitely decisions that didn’t pan out they way you hoped. To automatically discount a guy because he didn’t make mistakes when he was younger probably isn’t the right way to go. Just because someone was smart enough to use a condom or patient enough not to marry the wrong girl doesn’t mean he’s selfish.