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I have been dating a man for six months. Although it's a short time, I'm old enough--36--that I think I can evaluate things clearly. We have a LOT in common (similar family histories, world views, senses of humor, values, etc.). I thought things were great. Yesterday he told me that although we have a great friendship and great chemistry, he still doesn't think of me as his girlfriend. That he "doesn't hurt when I'm not around" like his buddies do for their new sweethearts. He says he's only felt that "hurt" twice before--both in cases where the relationships were short-lived and doomed from the start because the women in question were moving shortly. I don't feel that "hurt" about him when he's not around either, but I still know I was falling in love. I think his definition of love is really infatuation, but I know it's futile to talk someone into changing their mind about something like that. We've agreed to keep seeing each other, but no longer exclusively. My question is, is there any way I can spark that infatuation? I hate to play games, but at this point, I'm open to that option. (Sorry if that's pathetic, but I was already imagining children with this man, and that's something that's never happened for me before).

I know you want advice, and I feel your pain, I really do, but he was telling you the truth. Why do you want to be with a guy who does not want you in a romantic way? Don't you think you deserve better than that? Sure you could waste your time trying not returning calls too frequently or pulling back, being hot and cold.

But I don't think that will work since he already admitted he doesn't hurt when you are not around. If it starts off so lukewarm, he is not going to feel chemistry as time goes on. If anything, the opposite. Spare yourself the pain.

Actually, he DID lay it on rather thick at first. I was the one who had to slow him down--testing, calling and emailing all the time. Mentioned exclusivity almost from the start. Telling me I was fabulous (to which I said "Take the time to get to know me. If you put me on a pedestal now, I'm bound to disappoint you because I'm only human".) And yes, we were physically intimate fairly early on, not sure why that matters, but open to your thoughts.

I felt about a gf recently the way he said he does. (No, I didn't tell her.) I assumed my feelings would get stronger with time if we really communicated and connected and got the basics down better. I stuck with it. We eventually (after three months) suddenly broke up apparently for some other reason. Oddly enough though, I discovered I really did miss her once we broke up. 'far more than I expected.

I didn't miss her when we were apart... until we were _really_ apart. It's only a single example, but perhaps there is a lesson in that for you.

'Perhaps a second lesson... In our case, I think remaining "just" friends for a while after the "breakup", would have been the best thing for our relationship. We were moving too fast... which might not be the case for your two. If it applies to you two and he really does mean that he wants to be friends that might actually be a blessing.

Again... I don't know nearly enough about you two to really suggest anything. Your situation simply rang some bells.