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I want to see what you all think. I'm confused. I recently ended a long term relationship with a live ingirl friend a month ago. Since breaking up i got involved with a women whom I've known as a peer, acquaintance for the last year. we work in the same field and we've gone to a few conferences, exchanged a couple of emails. Just after my breakup, i had lunch with her at a conference. Since then we've gotten very friendly- there is chemistry. We've gone out to lunch and have hung out a few times. I disclosed my breakup and she informed me she had broken up with a long term bf a few months ago. She asked me over one night and we ended up sleeping together. She said, this is just sex, no relationship b/c your just getting out of a relationship. Since then we've hung out once a week and chatted a couple times on the phone. We've been intimate a few more times. She calls me a "friend". I have strong feelings for this woman and would llike an exclusive relationship with her at some point, however i'm afraid of scaring her off. She said she enjoys spending time with me. So what's the deal here? Is she afraid to get into another relationship?

I don't think she's afraid ... she's just stating the realities of the situation you both find yourselves in ... you've found a very smart, level-headed girl. You have both just left long-term relationships VERY recently. So you have a mutual rebound relationship ... you give each other comfort and ease each other's pain from your respective breakups.

But rebound relationships are inherently risky. There is the chance that your attraction for each other is mainly driven by the need to find a replacement for the lost relationship. There is the chance that one (or both) of you might be drawn back into your previous relationship.

So I wouldn't call her afraid ... just cautious. Hopefully, it will turn out that you have both found a perfect new partner just when you needed it the most. But if that's true, the same will be true in a few months!!!

Don't push it at all ... if there's really something there, then the relationship will naturally be exclusive without the promise right now. Give it another few months before you commit to each other ... by then, the rebound concerns will be much less.thi is my advice to you

Good luck

mani

If she's not into you ... agreeing to be exclusive won't change that. You probably would rather not hear this ... but during the rebound stage, it's not only YOU that doesn't know if she's into you ... SHE doesn't know yet either.

NO ... you misunderstood me ... I meant during the rebound stage, she doesn't know if she's into you yet ... or if it's just intensely comforting.

thanks for the feedback. i appreciate it. i think you're right about her being cautious. my ex is still in the process of moving out. she should be out completely in the next few weeks- she just found a place to move to. we shared some financial obliagations and have some loose ends to tie up. maybe she's worried i'd get back together with her. i definitely wouldn't, no chance, but i guess she can't be sure of this. I agree with you we should just take things slowly and if its meant to be it will fall in place. i guess i'm just afraid she's not into me- maybe its my own self esteem issues.

how could she not know i'm into her? when we've been together, we've talked for hours, laughed, hugged. i've told her i enjoy the time i spend with her. i told her i find her very attractive, both mentally and physically.

get your point. you may be right. maybe it is comfort. she might not be sure about her feelings. thanks for being honest.