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And one of them is nerve.

I've been a member for a little over a year and I've learned a lot from my fellow posters. Just wanted to put it out there that I'm glad I found this little community.

My girlfriend of a little over a year broke up with me on Wednesday, wait for it. She's 26, and dumped me on instant messenger.
I could hardly believe it. It was kind of out of nowhere; on Monday I'd had a huge problem that I needed to work out in my head. It was so bad, I couldn't even tell her what had happened. I know it was bad to kind of skitter away, but my plan was to calm myself down and then figure out how to talk to her, ASAP.

I was prepared to do it the very next day. I signed on to gmail, and we're chatting. Then, suddenly, she tells me she wants to split up. She works five blocks from me, and we live two miles apart. She didn't have to do it like that.

So yesterday I was checking my email when I get another IM from her saying that she is afraid if she sees me right now she'll try to talk me into taking her back. I'm not opposed to the idea but I don't know to figure out if that's really what I want.

Her argument for breaking up with me was that she and I were not a forever thing, and that really astounds me because I don't think I experience relationships in the same way. Also, she and I think very differently about some things: she abhors capitalism, and while I understand where she's coming from, I don't feel the same way. However, her beliefs never changed how I felt about her. I feel like to say that because we don't share these beliefs, we're a bad couple is a total copout, and very naive.

Granted, this might change as I get older, but if the relationship makes me happy, I stay. When the ratio skews to reflect more bad times than good, I get out. And as far as I could tell, she and I had lots more good times than bad. I know she wants to raise a family, and I do too, but the thought of doing it now scares the hell out of me. I'm 28, and itching to travel and experience new things.

How would you work to figure out if you wanted to get back together? I keep thinking negative things about her, but I'm concerned that I'm doing that cos of what happened and not because my feelings have really changed.

She obviously doesn't know what she wants and from the sounds of it, you're not too positive either.

I'd suggest you tell her how you feel. If you really aren't sure what is going on between you two tell her that. If you're upset at how things ended last time tell her that. If she throws her anti-capitalist beliefs at you and acts like that means you two can't be together and you think that is silly explain that. I mean, hey, you're not right? so like I don't see the huge problem, I guess, with that one.

Whatever happens make sure any big decisions you make are made with your best interests at heart. Make sure you really think this through and feel you really want whatever you decide.

Also, make sure if you do get back together that you're both into the relationship with 100% of yourselves. It isn't worth getting back together and trying again if you're not giving it your all you're just setting yourself up to fail in that case.

If ever there was a post here where I would recommend a grand gesture, it's here.
And check it out, my post count shows I've been here longer than I probably should have. I don't think I have ever recommended it here.

But. It's obvious she wants you.

But she is unhappy about something. But wants to work it out.

If you want her, go get her. But consider whether it is good for her, and you.

She wants the grown up things. Can you give those to her?

If you can and know you want it; GO.

If not, I still suggest you go to her, spill your guts and tell her how you care, lay it all out and cry together, whatever needs doing, and then do a gentlemanly bow out.

You can leave this or make this in beautiful fashion.

So what do you want and what do you know is right? Those are the hard questions to ask oneself.