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Hi All,
Boyfriend and me broke up a couple of months ago. We were engaged at one time in a 3 year relationship. We have not really been without contact throughout. I did 5 days no contact last week and he got in touch with me, said he missed me so much, could we please be friends, says he realizes his wrongs in the relationship too, Really does love me, can't imagine me not in his life, Is scared of jumping back into anything because last time our relationship started it was too quick, we never just dated first etc. Just jumped right into it. He said I was always pushing for more. Trying to force things. He said he was never able to just feel things on his own. We became very volatile.
He is scared, has allot of fears, we both do, but him more so. We both recognize our problems have stemmed from past trust issues in other relationships. I am in counseling. I guess my question is, Is there a chance that just being together, talking, being there for each other as friends, Could help to rebuild something between us? We already love each other.
I am scared because I want a real relationship again with him and want to do it right, But I don't want to be pushy cause I will push him away forever. How do I deal with this?
We are both very physically attracted to each other, but do not want to have sex as it will confuse everything. Neither of us is seeking anybody else, he has told me he has no thoughts of doing so.
Would love your opinions and advice. How would I help him to lessen his fears? or is that just something that takes time?

That is definately something that takes time. Some men just have these trust issues and a lot of times in my experience those issue are unfounded. Example: they have dreams and associate those dreams with reality causing even more insecurity. Be there for him, stay strong. And in time you may be able to rebuild a relationship that will be stronger than ever before.

Stay away from the sexual aspect for now. Your right it would confuse everything. You need to learn to trust each other 100% before you can move forward. I have suffered alot of trust issue due to past problems but I managed to find a woman who could understand and help me with the support I needed to trust her but it took time so it can be done. Goodluck and wish you the best.

How were the first couple months of breakup? If you dont mind me asking.

I would definately stay "friends" with him but it would be more of a relationship minus the physical. I think that will really work for you two. Go at it slowly and see what happen time will tell. Whatever you do don't listen to some people on here that will automatically say "GO NO CONTACT". Some people are all over the NC deal it's not always the solution to all problems. It sounds like you guys still have a future together. Good luck and let us know how it goes. Just remember to take it slow theres no rush enjoy the time you spend together and share as much as you can

Thanks for giving me hope. I really love this man. Want to be different and be happy myself. I did want to add however that he is sick. He's 38 and has cardio pulmonry disease. He's afraid of dying etc. So is even more afraid to be in a relationship but yet doesnt want to be alone. I have told him I will always be there, sick or healthy.

Right now I'm doing a tentative 'friends' thing as well, but its obviously very awkward. I see more potential now in a reconciliation, however, than when I established NC with the impression of me having undying hatred for him.

I really don't think nc is good for me now. And he apparantly doesnt want that either.
We are both stuck. Neither of us can move on, we talked about this tonite. The whole problem is fear.
The King Our realtionship during the break up was volatile, up and down, never stopped talking, still have a bond. We are just like that, no matter how bad stuff is weve never stopped talking or being there if we needed eachother. That is why I think we belong together and could have a great relationship someday like how it was supposed to be the first time around. Just wanna get pass this horrible fear. He's petrified that I will hurt him again. I had alot of insecurity jealousy issues that I am working on.
Thanks for all your answers

If you are both "stuck" then you both need to take a further step back.

Limiting contact will give you both space and time to assess things clearly. As it stands you cant see the wood for the tree's.

Please dont bother with the whole NC crap at this point.

He talked it out that he's confused and would like to see how things go, good for you. You just have to start slow and eventually get all the things that bothered the relationship in the first place and go from there.

My ex did the same a few weeks back but stupid me followed the DUMB advice of others on here that were like "oh tell him he must be in a relationship now or never" blah blah..I made the stupid ultimatium and now that chance for reconcilation is gone and Im very annoyed with me self over it. I wouldnt wish the same for anyone else trying to get back together as sometimes most people here tend to forget that this forum is for those wanting to GET BACK TOGETHER not DO AWAY FOREVER.