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| Hello Everyone, I am a new member and I have read countless posts here regarding break-ups and heartache. I to remember the depression diet as well as the many hours of thinking of the worst case scenerio. The mind can be a cruel thing if you don't get a hold of yourself in moments of weakness and hurt. I am living proof that relationships CAN be rekindled and better than before. There has been many post with wonderful advice the key to all of the advice here is you must choose to take it or leave it. If you do not have a plan, you're lost. It will be difficult to find what you are hoping for otherwise. Break-ups, though they hurt, need to be looked at from a different point of view rather than OVER. Someone once said that if you take the "L" out of LOVER that it is OVER not true. |
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| Another bit of advice Remember Everyone has a different situation in my post above I used the term "rules". Please keep in mind these are basic guidelines that you could follow. I did and it worked out in the end for me. The main thing is to maintain control of you. No one can change you BUT YOU. If you are basing your happiness on someone else then it won't work. You need to be happy with yourself first. Keep in mind some poeple in this world are in love with the FEELING of being loved or wanted. Do not mistake this feeling for the real thing. Look inside yourself and ask yourself what you expect of someone and don't settle. If the one you love can't meet what you deserve maybe it was better that your apart. In closing If there is a core of loving between two people, I believe that it can be rekindled better than ever the key ladies and gentlemen is not falling in love IT'S STAYING IN LOVE |
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| Hey man First things first.I would like to thank you for returning to these forums and putting in a happy story for us its good to see that there is hope and many here will be overjoyed at reading this good news! Good work for comming back to us and telling us how it went as so many dont You have to remember though that many of us here have already done the mistakes you pointed out above. We have done the pleading and the crying and the obsessive emails and the "digging in the ice cream saying why did i do that?". What about those of us who have exes who have already got another man? Is there hope for us too? Chai on this forum has been a great help to many of us and I am following his advice at the moment. Its still so hard to do all these things when you miss that person so dearly. Anyway.. Good work mate and thanks for comming back! Good call! |
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| Hi Noggy!!! Thank you for your reply Noggy. To answer your question ABSOLUTELY Yes, you can get them back.I have done it. You have to realize that it is not easy but if you are patient and stay focused..you can do it. In my opinion, if someone runs to the arms of someone else, even when in a relationship, there is an issue maybe BEYOND you. We all make mistakes.The forum would go to sleep if I posted mine. I am 33 and I am living proof that you can do it. If we don't learn from our mistakes. what have we learned. I try to think of ove this way.If I broke it off with someone I cared about very much and they were desperate with me How would that make me feel? Would I project a positive response? I don't think so. You have to remember something as well.You want the lover back EMOTIONALLY not just physically. You must LOVE the person back to you.put on your game face and think about what it will feel like when you get her back.I don't believe in false hope, but I do believe in positive thinking. |
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| Remember not to grieve too long and while this is happening focus on what needs to be done and what went wrong. Take the time to answer the questions you KNOW the answer to. Alot of people use the calling all the time and e-mail syndrom just to talk or communicate with the other party.They are also using the phrase."I just want to know what happened?" Most of the time you already know we are all afraid of being rejected and not being appreciated by those we come to love. DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKES if you have.THEN STOP RELAX and FOCUS this is easier said than done but IT CAN BE DONE. You can do it! |
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| Thanks SuperDave! Your "rules" make sense. I'm trying to have NC with my "dumper", but it's hard since we work together a few times a week. Sometimes he flirts with me like crazy, and sometimes he practically ignores me. I don't know how to act around him. I want him to want to come back to me so badly, but I don't know how to make that happen. I think he's too wrapped up in his own life to think too much about me. He has a bit of a gambling addiction and i think it's affecting his life more than he's willing to admit. But, i haven't called or initiated too much conversation at work. Am I doing the right thing? How can I get him to take more notice of me? I miss him so much. |
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| I also did all the mistakes I dsid the breaking part and wanted her back but after 1month i moved on and actually my life is so nice now but still she flew into the hands of another guy she visted 1 week before the break up so what u said about there could be problems beyond me for instance was a good point.But i want to stay friends with her, but how when i know she is a little.. mad at me and such. |
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| Your guideline rules are great! I too also went through a painful break up and I followed the rule of No Contact to the tee! It worked not only for the improvement of myself but my ex has also done the usual begging and pleading for me back! It's now been roughly 6 months since our break up and my ex is still not over me and wants me back. My friends tell me that I am so disciplined in following No Contact. In truth, I found it extremely hard, but I knew deep down that this is the only way to climb out of the deep pit of pain I found myself in. These rules REALLY WORK! It did for me and I am now so much more happier because of them! |
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| My question regarding mistakes, let's see, he broke up with me at first telling me lets take a break, then a week later we met up and I asked if he still wants to go ahead with it and he told me that he thought it was a good idea to break up. So being proud and all, I lied to him saying "yeah, I also think it's better that we break up and I don't know if I loved you at all, I think i just liked you a lot" he didn't say anything about it but later he was IMing me saying how great of a person I was and how exceptional, beautiful, bla bla bla - it was just a random conversation, nobody pleaded to come back or anything, he was just giving me all those compliments. Now, it's been 3 weeks since he IMed me and my question.I told him those lies about "yeah, I think it's a great idea" just to bust his ego in this situation, even with NC, do you think that he'll try to come back knowing that all doors are supposedly closed? |
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| I have something more if your ex was acting totally weird the last time of our relationship and I broke up and afterwards we agreed to try again , but then when she came back from a holiday a week later her mind was totally changed. on Instant messenger she said there was no chance off taking me back but a week before she said irl she really wanted to try again.I'm not wanting her back, just want to see if you have any ideas of why she thought that way |
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