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My ex and I broke up because he wasn't ready for our relationship. He is really insecure (only 24, I'm 32)!

He made contact 4 weeks after we broke up and told me he was coming to my triathlon but then didn't show up. He called and left a voice mail saying he was out drinking with his friends all night and didn't wake up in time. I didn't return his call by the way. Then he tried contacting me on my my space page. I didn't respond. Then a mutual friend of ours said that my ex was wondering why I haven't called him back yet. So it was a week later when I decided to call him back. I felt like yelling at him for missing my triathlon and I wanted to give him a piece of my mind for all of the stuff he did to me in our relationship. I felt so much better after I did that. He seemed more attracted to me that night. I could sense it. He said some things like he wanted to get back together but in a half sort of way.

Then he called the next day but I didn't answer my phone. Then he called the day after that at my work. He seemed sweet like he was trying to win me back but without saying the words "I want you back."

Then he sent me this really nice email saying that he liked me so much!

He keeps telling me he likes me a lot, but I was actually in love with him. I think he is just going to hurt me again. So anyway, I sent him another email telling him that I wasn't ready to be friends right now.

He then sent another email saying he was disappointed but he understands and he said I knew how to get a hold of him when I was ready. blah blah blah

I feel like he is trying to get me back but in a half way. He hurt me a lot in our relationship (he is really immature)! I feel that the only way he is going to get me back is if he works really hard for it.

I've been focusing on myself now and doing things I like to do. I've even gone on some dates. This guy hurt me a lot, but I'm still in love with him. I think that might be why I'm still holding on and asking for advice.

What do you guys think?

Be strong. He's not for you.

Becky, how long were you two dating?

I see. That day was important to you, but he declined it and went to the pub. Heh thing is he could do that any day but with you, no. He hurt you really bad in the relationship and expects an easy way? If he loves you he will be willing to work for it.

For now it's best to do the jercy. Until you are ready to be friends e-mail him asking how he is.

he's 24 and you're 32. i hate to state the obvious, but he is simply too immature and not ready to give you what you need, emotionally. not all 24-year-olds are like that, but he is.

my ex will turn 30 in dec. we started dating when he was 27 and i too am older than him. i had hoped he would be mature, but when he wanted his "space" a year ago i felt like a truck had come out of nowhere and ran me over. things were wonderful until i got upset at him wanting to go out with an old female friend of his on my last day in town (we had a work-week relationship - we saw each other mostly when i was in town for work). i got that call and freaked. where in the hell did that come from? i let him be and 2 weeks later he came back.

3 months later he proposed to me to move in with him, so i found a new job, moved to his town and 6 months after that he decided he was too young to settle down, that he was not yet 30 and still had so much to do in his life. of course this is what he told his friends, not me to my face.

not all 24 or 29-year-olds are as immature as our exes, but bad luck for us. so yes, leave him be. ignore his calls. but someone needs to point out to him the "rules". it's obvious, he is clueless. so maybe you should point it out to him, that if he wants you back he'll have to say so.

So I shouldn't worry about this right now huh? I should just carry on with my own life making myself happy.

Should I send him an email that says: We can't just be friends. That's not how it works!! We were in a relationship. When you figure out what you want and you are completely 100% sure then come find me. I don't know how I'll feel or what will happen (no guarantees).

What do you guys think of this? I don't want to sound controlling..

After my divorce way back when I became good friends with and ended up in a kind of relationship with a 21 year old, I was 30, he was pretty mature for his age. But as I found out not enough. I look back now and see at the time he needed me and I needed him. We kind of helped eachother grow through some bad times we were both having.
This lasted almost 3 years, I fell in love with him.
But in the end it wasn't meant to be, he ended up marrying someone his own age.
It's hard cause sometimes even though we would like them to think like us, they just can't. People say age doesnt matter, which can be true. But sometimes it does alot.
Life experience changes who we are and what we think, he hasn't been there yet. He can't think like you.
He's still too young yet and his mindset is "to have fun"
He's not going to be there for you on an emotional level and you will be disappointed time and time again.
We can't make someone "just grow up".
I learned a hard lesson, but a valuable one.
And he did help me through a very hard time in my life. I'll never forget him.

Talk is cheap. Don't get excited until he demonstrates to you in a real way that he wants you back.

Good luck.

if you leave him be, chances are he'll simply give up and forget about you. they will chase and chase until it gets boring.

you seemed pretty hooked on the guy and it seems like he really has no clue, so if you are willing, then give him a call. ask him for coffee. explain to him how you are feeling and why you are not satisfied with his behavior. yes, it's like mother to son. he will learn his lesson and the next woman he dumps will hopefully not have to go through the same crap as you, but you'll at least have taught him something, right?

but it's obvious you want him back so he has to know how you feel and what he is doing wrong. tell him, if he wants to work things out these are the things he has to do, if not, then he should leave you be for awhile. and in that time he could have simply moved on. but so could you. that is the risk - he might leave you be forever or you might not give a rats a*s any more about him!!

Anyone else?