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My ex and I have been broken up for about four months now, we were together for six. We are still best friends and talk almost daily. I trust him and l love him. He came from out of state to visit me over the weekend and on his last night we hooked up. All weekend we had been holding hands and flirting. I was pretty sure he still had feelings for me. On the phone he still tells me I'm beautiful, he misses me, and wishes me sweet dreams before bed. After we hooked up (we didn't have sex) I got weird and started asking questions. The morning after we hooked up we went out to brunch at "our place" and I asked him if he still had feelings for me. He basically couldn't answer and said we weren't getting back together so it doesn't matter because we'll still be friends - if hooking up is too much for me we don't have to. I kept asking questions and he got irritated and said that I over analyze. I am friends with his best guy friend and his best guy friend's girlfriend (months of double dating and road trips). After he left his best guy friend called to talk and I told him how confused I was he says that my ex needs to get his life together and is a confused mess, but he does still have feelings for me. He says that my ex HAS told him, but he didn't even need to hear it because it's so obvious.

I just wish he would tell me instead of making me feel like I'm crazy and imagining things. I really can't read him. Should I just back off? I'm worried that maybe my telling him repeatedly that I don't want to get back together (that's a lie) is doing something. He's the one who broke up with me and he has the relationship issues. At this point I would just like us to openly like each other and enjoy our moments together without being exclusive. We MIGHT be moving to the same place in a few months. Does he really not have feelings for me?

Hm, I see. Friendship isn't about doing what you both did. I can understand a 'bit' of flirting every once in a while in a mild act though. That's good you didn't have sex, one of the worse things both ex's can do. It will only make matters worse.

I suggest you cut all these romantic acts and for your relationship with your ex to be on raw friendship - it's for the best. Keep the raw friendship going until your ex confesses.

It shouldn't be hard to keep it at raw friendship. I'm not sure I mentioned that we're long distance and that's one of the big reasons we didn't work. We haven't seen each other in a couple of months so it's been pretty much just raw friendship. He slips in that I'm beautiful or he misses me sometimes and he's said he loves me a couple of times, but we don't talk about "us" and we're basically just friends. I could probably get a drunk confession out of him (not that I want to), but he gave up drinking for a month for me. His best guy friend thinks that I should say,"I have feelings for you and I know you have feelings for me. Hopefully, when you're ready to tell me I'll still feel the same way."

I can totally relate to an ex who needs to get his crap together had one of those. He pushed me away rather than let me help or hang in there with him.

Now the hard part things are falling into place for him. I think that is so great.

But, now that he's getting it together I don't think he's going to let me back.

Really the best thing you can do is back off is you want to reconcile just remaining friends gives him all the benefits of you without commitment.

I know walking away is one of the hardest things you can do but it is necessary unless you are okay with just being friends forever.

Best of luck!

I think that someone will be with you if they truly want to be with you. No matter what they have going on. People cross oceans and do whatever it takes to be with someone they TRULY want to be with. I wish I could take my own advice.

You really should try giving him some space, but more importantly, you need to give yourself space too. Right now you are too emotionally upset to do the relationship any good. You need to learn to control your emotions around him and stop pressuring. This is not easy to do. As a matter of fact, it's really hard to do. Go for a while until you feel you can do this and your relationship with him will improve a ton.

Good luck.

I don't ever call him (he calls me), or visit (he visits me), or mail him things (I get presents in the mail sometimes), but I do text him which I should stop. I can't go completely NC because other than him freaking out when I don't answer his calls and doing stupid things his best guy friend's girlfriend is one of my closest friends and I'm also very close to his sister and mother.

I do need to give us distance because I am a very controlled and even insensitive person usually, but with him I am a puddle of icky sweet goo. I hadn't brought up feelings with him for three months up until the other day. I've been fairly happy with our friendship, but I think that's because he hasn't really been dating. If he meets someone special I don't know if I'll be able to handle it. I'm hoping we won't meet other people and when we both live in the same place we'll give it another shot.

I guess I have to make him miss me.

It's decided: no more e-mailing pictures (even though he asks for them), no more myspace comments, I'm not answering all of his calls, and I'm not texting him.

I think his response was a pretty good indicator that he does NOT have the feelings for you that you would like. I think he has feelings for you like a friend and doesn't want to give up the comfort he has.

I say let him go. He is going to keep you locked in confusion like this. He told you to not over analyze it because there is nothing to analyze hon. If he did have feelings for you then you would know it. A man who is really into a woman can't help but let her know it.

He likes this I am sure being able to do familiar things but not have to deal with any commitment to you. It is not fair to you at all.

I suggest complete no contact for awhile and if you both meet other people that is a chance you have to take. This is a really half baked arrantement for you and has to cause you pain.

He did say you were not getting back together. I agree with Jaded Star and I would take that statement at face value at this point. If you need to be away from him for awhile in order to deal with that, then you should distance yourself until you feel strong enough to interact with him without getting emotionally involved.

Surely you don't mean move in together?

Girl that would be a HUGE mistake. Never live with an ex that you still have feelings for. It is a NIGHTMARE.

I think you are very disillusioned with him right now and a complete break from him is really needed.