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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2007, 04:26 PM
Sam Sam is offline
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Default Is a birthday card a no-no

If we broke up the third week of September, and if I moved out as of the third week of October, is it a complete breach of no contact rules if I send the ex a birthday card?

At this point, we have had no other contact since I moved out, nor do I anticipate us having any contact between now and then. I am moving on with my life, taking care of business and doing the things that I need to do for myself--but I am hesitant to sever all ties permanently at this juncture. Or is it just better practice to make her wonder?

Any advice would be much appreciated.
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Old 10-31-2007, 04:27 PM
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How do you expect her to respond? How will you feel if she responds differently? How will you feel if she doesn't respond at all?
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Old 10-31-2007, 04:27 PM
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Which one of you was the dumper and dumpee?
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Old 10-31-2007, 04:27 PM
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I do not know if she will respond. Frankly, I am less concerned about whether she says anything immediately and more focused on whether it's good just to let her know in a very unintrusive way that I did not forget her birthday and that I still care.
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Old 10-31-2007, 04:28 PM
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What seafarer says is right. Honestly ask yourself these questions. Only do it if it will make you feel better with no expectations whatsoever on what her response or lack thereof will be.
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Old 10-31-2007, 04:28 PM
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And I was the dumpee, though the decision to move out and create some space had been made mutually.
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Old 10-31-2007, 04:28 PM
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In that case then yes, send her a card.
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  #8 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2007, 04:28 PM
Sam Sam is offline
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Thanks for the thoughtful responses, folks.

Again, I really have no expectations that she will show me any kind of reaction. My goal would simply be to let her know that I still care while still respecting her space and giving her the time she needs to do what she needs to do.

In that sense, for me it's more a question now of whether the better approach is to do nothing, to strictly adhere to the no contact doctrine and let her b-day go by without a word from me. Thoughts?
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  #9 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2007, 04:28 PM
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A card is absolutely fine, with no expectations - not even a thank you.
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  #10 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2007, 04:29 PM
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Isn't it amazing, how we torment ourselves over the most mundane and benign matters?

I swear, I feel like I'm facing off against Kasparov in a chess championship while under the influence of some very heavy narcotics!
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