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Long story short my relationship of 4 yrs came to a sudden halt last month. I have realized my issues and have been seeking professional help to sort them out. I am on the road to recovery he JUST admitted to needing professional help. So now, 1 month and 1 week into things I am working on my issues, he is working on his but how do I be patient and "wait" for him to fully address his personal issues?

You focus on yourself fixing your issues while in the meantime still loving him. Let him worry about his issues and if he loves you and the bond is strong enough you 2 will find a way to come back together.Its the only advice I can give you as its the same situation I'm in right now except mine has been going on for 13yrs.

Thanks for the advice it is comforting to know that I am not the only one in this situation. I do understand that there may come a time where one of us will have to ultimately make a decision we have both agreed it cannot go on forever, as the current stress we are under is affecting our health . I just need to learn how to be patient the quote in your signature makes very much sense!

Romantic Fool is right you need to focus on yourself and working on fixing your own issues. He, in turn needs to focus on his issues. Once you two are separately in a better place emotionally, then you might be able to re-connect as a couple. It is better for this to take a bit longer but have you both emotionally healthy than to re-connect too soon before either of you are have done sufficient self-growth and self-work.

I know how hard patience can be in a situation like this. The only thing I can say is to take one day at a time, sometimes impatience comes from expecting things to quick too soon and then being disappointed that they are not happening.
And like everyone else said, work on yourself. Thats what I'm really trying to do, cause that's all I can do. I want to be a better person.

What do you all do to fill your time? I have taken up kick boxing and my hockey season starts again this coming Wednesday. I find myself worrying more about myself then him lately anyhow I just sometimes feel like things would hurry up. I know what you are saying about not rushing things - I don't want to do that, nor do I want to give him an "ultimatum" and make him make a decision - how long does one hold on to hope?

I know that I am a better person because of this - it has brought a lot of things to light and forced me to deal with them. In the end I know I will be ok - but ultimately I would LOVE to be OK with him in my life.

He has asked that I leave the contacting up to him - he is usually pretty good with this. He either calls me or sends me small text messages through out the day. The thing I struggle with is when he does not I worry about him. That something has happened to him - because he has always done what he says he will do in the past. How can I stop myself from picking up the phone when I feel like I need to talk to him. I want to give him the space I feel the less I contact him the more he will see I can appreciate his wishes.

I would have to say that the amount of time you wait depends on what you are willing to let go of with your hopes and dreams. If you feel you can let go of what you had then it won't take long. If you can't let go of your picture of you with this person you could be like me and still living life, but hoping someday it all works out. Just depends how well you can function still loving someone your not with.

How do you do it after 13 yrs? Do you date?

Well brief story We met in 94 on and off got really serious in 95-98 got engaged.I got cold feet called off the wedding. She left me about 2 months after thinking I was never going to settledown then in March of 06 we started talking again as friends she was going through a roughtime and I had still maintained contact with her when I saw her. I moved from where we used to live about 4yrs ago. So we slowly grew closer together til in May 07 we started seeing each other again, but worked well as I work out of town and always had. Then in Sept around Labor Day Weekend she suddenly did a complete 180 when I couldn't come home from work for the weekend. A week later she ended it and a week later she was back hanging around the ex that I had talked with her about. Keep in mind this is the same ex that used to be my best friend. So right now I'm giving her space and deciding within myself if I could walk away from her forever and never look back. I haven't talked to her in over 2 weeks and I sent her a email describing where we needed to be or I was eventually going to have to let go and disappear from her life forever. It wasn't a ultimatum or threat, but more of a nudge to let her know that this time I couldn't be friends or hang around waiting and that I was healing and eventually would reach a point where I had to move on.

So to answer your question. Yes I did date and I had my friends with benefits to get me through the past 13yrs, but I have always maintained that burning light for her to come back to in the night if she chooses too. I know this will be the last time though and how it ended leads me to believe she cheated on me and the guilt led her to end it. It was too picture perfect of a relationship and we had talked about marriage/family the whole nine yards. She had came and spent the weekend before with me and it was a great weekend.

She has now shut herself off from everyone including her family and basically is sheltering herself with this guy and his friends so I'm leading to believe the guilt and shame is something she can't face. I don't know I'm just guessing, but I'd be willing to bet I'm right. Do I still love her YES, but had she been honest in the first place I might've accepted it more openly than I would now if she came clean, but she's not the type of person to come clean so I'll prolly never know the real reason she ended it. And at this point I doubt we will rekindle it and most likely I'll go to my grave loving her, but have gotten on with my life and just keep that special spot in my heart for her.

To all, this seems so crazy doesn't it? Why does everything have to be so complicated? Why would someone have to go to their grave loving someone but not be able to be with them in life? It seems so simple, You either love someone or you don't. You would think that's how it could/ should be anyways.
I guess you wait as long as you feel this person is worth it. If you really feel you were meant to be and there is a bond between you somehow and also that you believe that he really does love you and isn't stringing you along. Did you do something to hurt him? that broke up your relationship? I hurt my ex and I know I want to show him things can be different, so I will wait. He says the same things as yours does, like about him being the one to make contact etc. I never let my ex do what he felt on his own, part of where my insecurity you are an exceptional person, I am so sorry that you have waited so long, as it seems so empty without the one you truly love. You must really believe in true love, like the "Notebook" kind of love, that even after years it is still possible. I'm glad you have been able to at least maintain a life outside of her, but it's still got to be very hard. That's why I say you are an exceptional person.
Love to me is the the best but the worst of all emotions. There is no logic, reasoning, or happy mediums. Love exists or it doesn't. And it doesn't go away as easily as it should especially when you are left loving someone who isn't reciprocating it back to you. On the other hand it can also be the most special feeling in the world and I think we are all holding on to this dream and hope, that love will find us and be what it was meant to be.