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Hey guys Lesson learned here!! STOP the analyzation and trying so damned hard to get control over something you have absolutely positively no control over!! I broke 21 days of jercy last night and I still feel great. Nothing was gained or lost over my conversation last night. It was a good 15 minute conversation and I didn't analyze or think what was going on in her mind or what she was thinking. I didn't because I didn't care. I wanted to talk to her and when it was over I hung up with a smile on my face!! It felt good to hear from her and catch up. I have a wall to break down with her and it's going to take patience and patience and more patience, but the fact is if I never get her back then it's no bid deal. I can take her as a friend or as the lover I've dreamed of marrying in the past. But I can't take her back if she doesn't want to come back. I've started my life again doing the things I used to do when we met 2 yrs ago. The things I used to do that put me in my confident good looking mode that girls were attracted too, and I'm getting back to that, so either she'll notice or someone else will. THAT is WHAT I REALLY CARE ABOUT. I was upset about being turned down by her now I don't care I just want what I want in life and I'm going after it!

But we all need to stop the endless analyzation all it does is drive us crazy. When I stopped that and allowed this situation to take whatever course it's going to take without trying to figure out why or when or who I let it go and now I realize that the constant thinking and analyzation doesn't let you LET GO! Your mind is so powerful but when you give it up to a higher power you can get yourself back and move on and you can let what will be, be!!

Stop saying never, or asking why, who, when, how long.Start saying and doing things for YOU, NOW, and get your head where it needs to be and everything else will take care of itself. Trust in love and be positive and trust in yourself that you will get on with life and good will happen to you!! Think back we've all broken up before and it sucks but most of us we've moved on before so we can do it again, and if they are really the one for you it will workout in the end.

Wonderful! I just did the same thing, but at 20 days jercy Mentally and emotionally, I was just well ready! I had accepted, let go, moved on, and ready to have her as a friend (I don't want a romantic relationship with her right now). She has a big issue she needs to work out, and I will be there to support her as a friend.

but my head and heart are finally in agreement. I truly have no expectations, as I know I am happy/love myself and my life is great! I have myself back.

Exactly man, if she doesn't budge I don't care. Like I said we talked last night and I haven't even thought about what she's thinking or doing. I care as a friend as in I want the best for her, but I don't care what she's thinking or doing.I'm just happy we had a good conversation.

If you really are over it – love yourselves and have moved on and regained your self respect why do you need to speak to women who have dumped you made you feel like crap.

I think if you still feel the need to speak to - be friends with someone who has hurt you so badly than you are not over it at all.
Who wants to be friends with someone who wants you out of their lives?

Once burned, twice careful!


I think the "endless analyzation" gets worse when you break jercy.

I have no reason to analyze. I loved her and she would never have broken up with me if I did the right things in the first place. I hurt her so her breaking up with me hurt but when I stepped back who really got hurt more? She did. I vanished emotionally for her and that's not right to do to a woman she pushed me out because of me. I'm already living my life anew and have no need to talk to her but when you share everyday for 2 years or more or even less together to just up and end it completely seems a bit immature to me especially when I realized what really took place to cause it.

But you are correct Ganon if you break jercy prematurely when you aren't ready for just remaining completely unromantically involved. If she comes back it will only be because she sees the me she fell in love with again and wants to get at it again. But I'm not holding out hope for it. I'm meeting new people and moving keeping her as a part of my life is a good thing if it wasn't a bad break.

Don't assume you know our situations. I realized a few weeks back that she broke up for the benefit of both of us. She's insecure and does not love herself (enough). She knew she couldn't give me 100% of her, and let me go to find my happiness. She needs to work on herself without the stress of a relationship, to be able to stand on her own two feet, to accept herself for who she is, etc. She was unhappy, I was unhappy.

While I was pained for the first week and a half, it was me being selfish and not being able to let go of what was obviously the right thing for both of us. I was clouded by emotion, and couldn't see the forest from the trees. Since then, I have learned/grown a lot. Breaking my left femur in half in a car accident back in 1995 took longer to heal than this did. Why? Because I know it's the right thing for both of us.

I don’t know your story and I am truly not try to be provocative this is purely from my point of view.

What you have said in reply to my post sounds like over analysis to me. Presumable she broke up with you and from what you have said it was hurtful to both of yo why couldn’t you resolve your issues while taking a break – seeking counseling why did you need to split up?

Can you truly be her friend? Could you deal with her being with another man/lover??

Well we were not married and she was of the mindset that if it's not working now then we need to move on.I stopped making her happy and anything I did once she brought it to my attention seemed cheap and as if I was doing it because we were on a break. She was right to a point when I realized my faults I tried to fix them immediately and that is not the way to do it. I needed to step away she did as well. That's why I say if we find our way back to one another great! If not I still want her in my life. I just don't need to feel validated by her any longer. I have realized what went wrong and am working to grow from it. Anything in the future whether with her or the next girl I meet presuming we have the same thing going will be better... I have loved and found what I want in a relationship it's just ashame I had to hurt the one I truly loved to find that out. Live and learn. But the bottom line is be happy in doing it. And as for another man I would be happy for her if I new she was happy. That is what I loved about her so much... Putting a smile and seeing a smile on her beautiful face. If she finds that elsewhere god bless her. I would be so happy for her!