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| I have been dating this guy for about 3 weeks. I'm 23 and he is 25. We talk on the phone everyday, and I'm really starting to like him. Whenever we go out I insist that our friends should come too. It always ends up to be a wild night of partying and we kiss each other goodnight and that is all. The reason why I make our friends come along, is so that there is no chance of this guy and I would end up in bed. It's not that I don't want to, I just hear from other people that guys deep down would rather have the girl make him wait to have sex with her. Is this true? Or does it matter how soon a girl has sex with someone? If so, how long should we wait? Thank you for your help! |
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| You do pose a fascinating question and I doubt if there is a right answer?? I think waiting is good if it allows the sexual tension between you grow to be really special. On the other hand if it was that explosive you would have given in by now. You know the old axiom that the best way to get rid of temptation is to give in to it. My head says that waiting is good but only if it grows the relationship. I am reminded of a quote from "Adrian Mole ages 13 3/4" Pandora to Adrian "If you loved me you wait". Adrian to Pandora "If you loved me you would not make me wait". My heart says you wait until you are both entirely happy that you want to take that step! |
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| Well, I'm not quite sure how having a group of friends along is the only way to make sure that you two don't end up in bed. For protection maybe if you're afraid he'll get out of line but otherwise, don't you call your own shots? If you two have been spending time together only in a group, you don't have any one on one time to get to know eachother. You have sex when you're doggone good and ready. Whatever conforms to your wishes and comfort level. I don't know if a guy will actually appreciate it if you make him wait. I just don't think they see it along those lines. Whether delaying sex increases your chances of keeping him or not is a matter of opinion and hasn't, as far as I'm concerned, been addressed by science. And, how long you abstain still depends on your wishes and comfort level, ie, what you want. I think you should consider this group outings only sort of deal you have here. If you want to build personal intamacy before doing the deed, how does hanging out only in groups do this? Another thing to consider, you're setting the atmosphere of party along friend rather than as a date. His friends could be telling him that you just see him as a friend only rather than dating him. He might also start to see you as just a party friend rather than a woman he's taking out on a date. See how you could be setting the stage for that? So, even though sex remains within your own timeline, perhaps you want to start going on actual, one on one, dates with him. That is, if you trust him and such. |
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| "It's not that I don't want to, I just hear from other people that guys deep down would rather have the girl make him wait to have sex with her. Is this true?" i think more important a question is: "do you want to waste your time with a guy who would like you less for knowing when you were ready, no matter when that was?" if a person has sex with another, by mutual choice, then thinks less of the other person agreeing to it well, they need to grow up no matter how old they are. that is filled with responsibility issues, double standards, and more that are not worth one's time, in my opinion. and hiding who you are/what you want to be what you think the other person wants is not a good way to go either. honestly, it seems like you're not being honest with him with the bringingfriends game and trying to time sex not based on communication and mutual agreement but rather trying to manipulate the course of the relationship with it. i'd say just talk to him about it and see what you both want and go with what's decided as best for you both, together. |
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| "i think more important a question is: "do you want to waste your time with a guy who would like you less for knowing when you were ready, no matter when that was?" Well there is no real time wasted here because if one is a slut and gives up so friggin quick the guy won't stick around anyways because he knows she is a total whore and can't be trusted for something real. Granted there are exceptions so if the girl is ready on the 1st minute then great for him he is getting a piece of ass without even caring or wanting to know her and she will get promptly used as a party favor but hey some girls like to be used as party favors. |
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| Each relationship has it's own "critical mass point" where it seems right or even is a logical next step. I waited with my ex for several months. But later found out that she plays games and is not a typical girl. However, I won't wait that long. It's really important to decide compatibility and establish a mutual exchange of pleasure between partners. That's my perspective from a guy's point of view. If a girl MADE me wait, I don't think I'd really get that she was putting it off until we had progressed and she said something to me. I think being upfront about expectations is really important and it seems like your friend is taking it slow too. |
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