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I've been seeing this girl for about two months now, and things have been great. We are very open about everything with eachother: our past relationships, feelings, etc, and our relationship seems to be heading in a good direction. My problem is that last night we got caught up in the mood while making out and ended up nearly having sex. We never actually had sex, but we came about as close as you can before I decided to stop it. Afterwards, things were a little awkward, but we talked a little about it. She said that she was glad that we stopped, and that she thought we should wait a while before doing these kind of things, but she wanted to know why I stopped. I told her that I agreed that it was too early for us to get that physical. I was worried that she was really uncomfortable with what happened, and that it might hurt our relationship; I told her that what I wanted is for her to be comfortable, and that I don't want things to go bad because she doesn't feel comfortable about us. We're both virgins (and 20 years old), and I think we both agree that we want to wait a while before we get really physical with our relationship. I completely trust her, and I know that if she had any concerns about us she would talk to me about them. MY QUESTION IS: Should I be worried? Is this a huge problem that we maybe went a little too far for where our relationship is at? Also, are there any things, "pitfalls," that I should be careful about when talking to her. When I think about it, there's no reason I should be worried; she is very open and honest with me, and we communicate well, but I'm am still really worried. I would really appreciate any advice you can give. THANKS

"She said that she was glad that we stopped, and that she thought we should wait a while before doing these kind of things, but she wanted to know why I stopped. "

Well, you might have a concern if she felt rejected by you. Yeah, she said all that she said but in the end, her question was why did you stop. Its too bad that she wasn't the one to stop the whole thing. Hopefully she took you at your word. I'd think there's a chance that she did because she is a virgin. If she didn't, then you might have a problem. I'm not saying that you do, just that you might.

My thoughts? You're playing with fire by getting things all hot and heavy and then backing off. That makes a woman feel rejected and, for some reason, they have a tendency to not brush it off as "one of those nights". Their first thought is that the man finds them undesirable.

Anyway, if those bridges aren't already burned, then you may want to set some very clear and safe boundaries for yourself to keep from making the same mistake again. If sex is a no-no, then you don't even want to get close to that level. It just creates confusion.

If you want and if its really true that you two can have open and frank conversations about this, its something you can try. Personally, I wouldn't recommend saying anything more at this moment. Sometime in the near future, when you're sure you're ready, you can ask her to let you know when she feels its right. Stress that you won't make that final move until after she lets you know. But, I'm just guessing at this point and you might want to wait for other people's opinions.

I think as long as you can keep up a dialogs, communicate, be open and honest.. it looks alright. I give you both credit for being able to stop and discuss at some point what was happening, and not happening.

Don't forget about birth control . Something , if that hasn't been discussed yet , should be.

MY QUESTION IS: Should I be worried?

I do not think you should be too worried. I certainly applaud your decision to stop.

Taking note of the very incisive comments already made I think you have both got to decide if this is what you really want.

You need to talk openly and honestly with your partner and make absolutely sure how you are both feeling.

All being well you might look forward to an explosive constipation of you relationship.

I advise you to read some of the posts on other threads here to find out just how that should feel. If it does feel like that I doubt if wild horses will hold you back.

Just curious, did you get blue balls? I know I would have.

First, of course things are going to be awkward you two went farther than either of you was comfortable with, but as long as you're both open and honest and COMMUNICATE about it, it shouldn't be a big deal. It seems that she likes you well enough, and I'd guess the same is true about your feelings for her.

Second, if you "nearly did it" as virgins, on the spur of the moment then I'd guess that neither of you had birth control and that that is VERY big issue. Also in addition to whatever method you choose, condoms are always a good idea.

Be mature, be wise, be careful.

There's lots of things that are fun and intimate that you two can do without having sex or getting too hot and heavy.

There's lots of things that are fun and intimate that you two can do without having sex or getting too hot and heavy.

I like this sentense.

I figure practice at finding fun non-sexual things to do together, sets a great pattern for helping children feel involved in a family, if a couple decides to settle down together.

Makes for good foreplay too.

I was also thinking that when people can find something that they love, be it a person, or an activity, it helps to spark their desire for life. I jwonder if you had any comments on my comments?

Makes for finding a good setting for marriage proposal too.