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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2007, 08:36 AM
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Default I move too fast

I'm dating a good girl now but still have no clue if I'm interested enough in her to continue. We started off flirting which was really exciting, hot & promising, but now we begun DATING I suddenly feel I go afraid or "cold".
This problem happens more & more over the last years. Some friends suspect I've lost touch with my feelings, their theory is that I "switch off" or can't admit/enjoy my feelings anymore because of having been badly burned previously.
once again "string it along" a bit further, or even indefinitely, in order to perhaps relax enough to discover any feelings I might have, find happiness etc etc but at the risk of making her angry if I don't? (because if I don't, I've just wasted her time, right?)
drop it now, which would be more decent to her (?) but then I might never know what I would be missing round the corner.
I want to find those feelings again, the way they came easily before. But I don't want to hurt hers in the process.
in other words, whose feelings should I put priority on in this kind of scenario: MINE or HERS ? at what price ? how can I tell the difference between "cannot connect with any possible feelings I might have for her" and "simply not interested in her" ? and will I ever discover my feelings again ?
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Old 10-31-2007, 09:02 AM
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"whose feelings should I put priority on in this kind of scenario: MINE or HERS ?"

Hers.

You're not interested in her whether its a lack of feelings towards anyone or plain old lack of interest. You still aren't interested in her. If this is something besides a lack of interest, she doesn't need to be dragged through your own quagmire. Such issues are what you take care of first before doing anything else. And if it is a lack of interest, well then, self-explanatory.

"will I ever discover my feelings again ?"

That's what you need to do first.
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Old 10-31-2007, 09:06 AM
Sam Sam is offline
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I'm dating a good girl now but still have no clue if I'm interested enough in her to continue. We started off flirting which was really exciting, hot & promising, but now we begun DATING I suddenly feel I go afraid or "cold".

You're trying to satisfy what is probably a sense of low value in yourself. You want it, you go get it, and once you know you can have it, you don't want it anymore.

Get some help. For one, you need to realize that you're not a bad person, just had someone put a twist on your bean, and for two, realize that doing that is not a good thing to do. You could leave someone with the impression that you're a selfish prick who just wants to see what they can get.
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Old 10-31-2007, 09:06 AM
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I wonder if it's just the thrill of the chase you're after. Once you find "the ONE", you'll want to hang on to her for dear life, trust me.
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Old 10-31-2007, 09:07 AM
Sam Sam is offline
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I quite liked the responses to it as well. If you care about this girl, don't use her as a science project to see if you can revive your emotions. If you are not that interested in her, let her down quicker.

Many of us have been badly burned. It's up to you if you want to let previous experience destroy any future possibilities for intimacy. If you can't trust them completely, trust yourself that you can take care of yourself even if you do get hurt.
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