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Hi all, I have posted many times before here and have gone through absolute hell. Before I ask for advice . I was wondering what the percentage is on getting back together and staying together? Do you think there is too much damage and baggage for it to ever work out? Is it a good idea? I'm so confused and in pain and feel i have made a huge mistake. I got a second chance and ruined it.

I'm sorry that you feel you got a second chance and ruined it.

I feel that way too. I didn't even know I was getting a second chance until it was all taken away.

I've tried for months to patch things up he's really done with me moving on.

He's got an ex coming in from out of town that he even stated that he told her no right after we broke up in case things worked out. I guess he finally decided things will never work out cause she's coming in 2 weeks.

I do feel you pain.
Just know you are not alone.

Thanks and I'm sorry for your pain too. My situation is even worse cause I work at his store and don't have another job. I don't know what to do. Yesterday he told me he wants me out of his life, but yet he says he loves me but doesn't want a relationship with me because there is too much anger and I haven't changed at all. I have changed allot of things, had a horrible jealousy problem. But I bring things up because I want to work through them somehow, and to him that is bringing it all back to relive the past. Also we used to be engaged and I have never given up hope that we would always be together. I really love this guy.

Lately it's been pure frustration, the more he pushes me away the more hurt I feel and lonely etc. He says I ruined him and how he feels etc. It's a horrible situation. I wanted us to go to counseling, I am already going. I think he thought it was totally up to me to fix it all and I thought it took 2. I feel like I'm a really bad person, cause he says I wasn't the person I promised I was and that I had changed or he never would have gotten back with me. How can someone on one hand still love you but not be at all willing to try? He says he has given up all hope and faith and doesn't care about trying anymore. It hurts so bad cause I know there was hope for us, I have never given up and now I think it's time. I feel like I'm going crazy. Today at work I lost it and threw everything off my desk. A customer called and asked to speak to my husband. That felt like a dagger in my heart. I just lost it all this pain came up inside of me and I'm never violent, But felt that in that split second. I walked out and haven't heard from him. I need the job until I can find a new one, but I can't bear to go in there tomorrow.

I don't know what to do, I have a daughter to support and there are hardly any jobs here where I live. Should I just leave him alone forever? Please someone give me advice. I'm sorry if this is kinda jumbled it's hard to explain cause there's so much background too. Thanks all

Thats' what I should have done, Just kept things in. But now he has said he wants me out of his life. So I don't think there is much hope now and I sure don't know about work, how do I go back there? Even tho it's necessary? I feel like an idiot but yet angry too. Should I message him and apologize for how I acted? I am a very emotionl person, I cry alot lately and it is so hard to keep it in. I don't want to lose him forever but feel I already have, too much damage. He doesnt trust me at all with his heart and has built a steel wall up against me. Should I at least message him? He probobly won't message back, although we used to talk for hours on messenger. I don't know if it's his anger talking or he really is done. I have to believe he is done. I do go to counseling already, but if the other person isnt willing there's nothing I can do. I don't want to feel needy or begging if I message him. I don't know what to do. I wish I could disappear. He said if I love him I will just leave him alone.

Give him a "cooling off" period. Don't message. Just go into work calm, cool and collected.

If he SAYS anything about it Say "your right, I let my emotions get the better of me and I'm sorry" then let it go and get to work.

If he doesn't bring it up then you act like NOTHING happened.
Hold your head high you can do this as needed go to the bathroom and take as many deep breaths as needed but not out where anyone can see you.

good luck!

Thanks so much for your insight. You seem very knowledgeable. I usually know how to help others but can't help myself most of the time. I'm afraid he'll throw me out or something. It sucks cause it's his shop and we used to be a team, I treated like it was mine and made all the decisions as far as bills etc. I worried about the problems that went along with it too. Now not only am I losing the man I love, I'm losing the job I grew attached to etc. I am so mad at myself right now, but I am also really angry with him too. I feel like he's had a chip on his shoulder since we got back together, cause I was in the wrong and always felt below him cause I had to make up for all my wrongs in the past. Sorry for going on and on. I feel so desperate and in need of the right guidance cause I really don't know what to do anymore. I asked if I should message him so I can get a feel as to for trying to make me feel better . It's gonna take a long time before I feel better I'm afraid.

That's a very close work situation and couples who work together have added stresses. I don't think I could work with my significant other there is NO space there and often times work comes home and vice versa.

Maybe he will ask you to leave BUT if he is any kind of a decent man AT ALL he will know the job market is crappy and you have a child to support.

All I can say if he does let you go knowing those things he is not the man for you. He would never and could never be there for you in any sort of real crisis.

We all make mistakes.

There isn't a minute that I don't wish I could go back to Jan and do things differently . I wasn't wrong but I wasn't right but the bottom line is it doesn't matter. What matter is that I loved him but I couldn't get him to see that. The more I thought I was showing the more I was pushing him away I didn't see it but he even told me so now I have lost him forever he's gone on he did wait 7 months but now he's having a very old flame stay with him for 2 weeks.

I'm hurt he knows this he knows that it if something happens during those 2 weeks not only are we finished but I would never respect him again. Despite all our problems I do still respect him he is very mature which is a problem as well I know this wasn't a rash decision.

It was so unfair of him to tell you that! I don't think that you are a bad person. Don't let what others think of you influence what you think of yourself.

I think it pretty much depends on what caused the separation and the degree of maturity of the people involved.
In my case, the things that made us split were simple, but sadly my ex-GF is only 19, so she made a big issue out of it.

I know if I got back to her I would do a great job, a better job than last time, but I seriously doubt that she is ready for another chance. If I take her back it's because she will convince me that she appreciates the man I am and that she will fight for me.

Don't think that you ruined your second chance, but really try to ask this to yourself: Did I have to change or get the bad end of the deal to be back with my ex? At what cost would I be back with my ex? Im I convinced that I can't do better than my ex?

It really sucks that we don't have much to hold onto. Seems like we are both almost the same age. When does life settle down? I was married for 12 years, got divorced 10 yrs ago and have had a few short term relationships, but not until this guy have I ever felt like this about anyone before. I think because I fell so deeply in love with him it brought on all my jealousy crap, constant fear that he would be taken away from me. And this in the end is what has caused our demise All I wanted was a real family and loving partner and nothing worked out that way. At 41 I feel pretty lost and like once again I have let myself down. My daughter is 16 and my other daughter is 19 and is in college. I keep wondering why I let a good man go? Why did I hurt him over a fear that never happened? Until now realize I fulfilled my own fears and pushed him away forever. I hate when people say well theres other guys out there, sure there are but when you put so much love and time into someone you feel like no matter what it can work out. You're right there is nothing you can do but see what time will do. I think time is the only hope for anything. Time has a way of changing things I think. Maybe being too impatient gets in our way allot.