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my ex just called me. i was in NC for about a week and she called and sent me an e mail. it was so good to hear her voice. i have been falling apart since the NC. i was too scared to pick up the phone. she left a short but sweet message saying "i haven't called because i know you are trying to heal." and she said i could call back or not. she also sent a nice email. in her email she talked about taking extracurricular classes,dance class and tennis class, which of course makes me very jealous and hurts.
i would love to talk to her, but feel like i will fall to pieces and make a HUGE mess, even though she broke this off over 3 months ago does that mean I'm immature? what should i do?

There is nothing immature about hurting over a failed relationship, and many take longer than 3 months to get over.

She isn't giving any encouragement, so my advice is to just ignore the message (erase it!) and email.

when she said "i haven't called becuase i know you are trying to heal" she was right. Maybe she's putting out feelers to be "just friends" but seriously, do you want to just be her friend? I doubt it. Personally, I would be angry if an ex contacted me knowing full well that I was trying to get past the breakup it's selfish!

If you have any doubt in your mind that the conversation with her will make you upset and break down, then don't do it. You should know if you're well and ready. My advice to you is to not call her. Give it a couple more months until you're at the point where you're ready to be friends. It's to soon to start conversing.

If you have any doubt in your mind that the conversation with her will make you upset and break down, then don't do it. You should know if you're well and ready. My advice to you is to not call her. Give it a couple more months until you're at the point where you're ready to be friends. It's to soon to start conversing.

thank you for the replies. i regret not calling her last night. i was a wreck and i got so emotionally drained, i just fell asleep.

Well, thank goodness of being emotionally drained because it ensured that you did the right thing. Dont call. Her motivations are purely selfish.

Also, be aware that by not calling you did your status no damage at all. in fact in her eyes it most probably improved her perception of you.

Stay strong and keep moving forwards. If she ever wants to be with you again I promise you you will not be in any doubt as to what her motives are.

thank you for the post but could someone please clarify why they think she is being selfish? what is she doing that is selfish, i'd like to know.

Personally, I don't think she's being selfish. She broke the ice after 3 months of silence and initiated some form of communication due to any of the following reasons: (1) she had some time to reflect on the relationship and her share of mistakes, so she's feels guilty to a certain degree and want to make amends; (2) she's simply being nice and trying to show some care and compassion; or (3) she wants to open the lines of communication again in hopes of being friends in the future.

If you're not ready to re-establish your friendship or anything with her, then either leave it alone and don't contact her or just send her a short email saying something to the effect that you're not ready to communicate and that you'll call/email her on your own time.

Best of luck to you.

She did it so she could get her ego stroked by you. Maybe she feels lonely, and she knows that she can always count on you. She did it to see if she still has you on the hook. Since you have been on NC, she is starting to think she lost you for good, so she wants to check if her suspicions are correct.

Imagine you are in a bar in a bad neighborhood and you just bought an expensive sports car, which you parked in front of the bar. You are having fun with friends, drinking, but every now and then you get this fear that something could have happened to your car, so you get up, take a peek thru the window and there it is, where you left it. Let's get back to have fun again. You keep doing this and everything is ok, until one time when you stand up, take a peek MY CAR IS NOT THERE! you panic, you want it back! How could it be stolen? I had the most expensive alarm system installed!

Get it? she just took a peek at the window to see if you are still there, then everything is back to normal for her, if she sees you are still there.

Don't contact her at all!

I don't think it's necessary to talk to call her to let her know that you are not ready to talk.It doesn't even sound right if you think about it. Seems to me like you are curious and you have some hope that she is contacting you to make another go at it.

Don't fall into the trap! You don't really need to talk to her! You are not ready. It will set you back and you'll regret it, believe me, I've been there.

Stay strong! If you keep NC you'll come out a stronger person.