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I haven't updated on my situation in awhile, so I thought I would.

Basically, things have been in the same holding pattern between myself & the ex/boyfriend/whatever for awhile now. That is, I continue to be frustrated and unhappy but unable to break things off. Last Sunday I told him that I was seriously considering ending this, and he refused to talk to me for the rest of the day. When we finally did discuss it later that night, he told me again that he still had feelings for me and wanted this to work, but that it obviously was not and things needed to change. Again, however, he had no suggestions, thought there was nothing he could do.

Last night I went over there and everything came to a head. We had a nice time watching TV for a few hours, but as soon as we went to bed, I started to cry. (This has happened nearly every time I've stayed over his place since we "reunited.") He was frustrated and exasperated and asked me what was wrong. I told him the same things I have continued to say that he still has not made any attempt to fix: the scheduling issues (we hadn't seen each other in almost a week, the second week in a row that's happened) and his general lack of interest in this whole thing. I told him that before, these issues were able to be dealt with and even resolved because we loved each other. Now, that foundation is gone. Even if we could love each other again, it's not there now.

I told him that I needed to know if he still felt that there was something there and this was worth our time. He told me no, he didn't feel anything any longer. I was calm for a few moments, but eventually broke down sobbing on the other side of the bed. He put his arm around me but said nothing, then offered to take me home. I told him no. I got a bit angry but we continued to talk, and he started to backtrack, saying that he wanted badly for there to be something there and there is -- but only when we don't fight as we have been every time we see each other. I know this makes sense, but there's still no excuse for the amount of hurt he has caused me.

Then I did something stupid that I think I'm already regretting. He said we needed to make a decision on where this leaves us, if this is something we want to really try for or something we want to abandon. I told him I wanted to try, I was dedicated, and I wasn't going to bring up ending it anymore. He agreed. I felt better for a few hours, but now I know it's just going to make it even tougher to get out of an already bad situation.

He didn't contact me for several hours today, and when we've talked, it's been very awkward and strange. It truly seems that he has no interest. He told me last night that if we could just enjoy each other again, he thinks everything could come flooding back, and I have to be patient. But I've been doing this for a month and a half. He still refuses to acknowledge that we're "back together," has made very few attempts to change anything on his end, and continues to make me feel unwanted, far more than he did when we were actually together.

I know I'm going to get a million posts saying to end it. Maybe that's what I need. But I'd much rather get some sort of helpful advice for trying to make this work. I keep trying. I want to keep trying. I just need friendly comments.
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you both need the wantto keep trying. i dont know your story, but what are the fights about? are they things that can be resolved or you two wantto resolve. its going to take teh both of you. im sure when two people get back togetehr it s and can be akward, but i believe two can getteh passion back, ONLY IF THE BOTH OF YOU WANT TO.

I've read your other threads so know the background of your story etc.

What I have learnt and realised over the last month, is that you deserve a guy who will walk over broken glass to get to you. Not someone who's half into it, not someone who's not sure about trying, and not someone who only wants to try when it's all going well. If he's like this now - what happens in a couple of years when you have a mortgage, one of you gets made redundant, and then you're pregnant - as in, when you've got a whole lot of other stresses going on?

He's not making you happy - you're crying every time you visit him. A relationship shouldn't be like that. Your crying indicates that you know this isn't right, you know you deserve better, but you're scared to call it quits.

He knows it's not right either, but he's scared to call it quits too. Love isn't about fear. Your relationship seems based on fear of being alone, fear of the unknown, and fear of what's out there - rather than love.

You will be happy without him. And you will meet someone who loves you for you. Who loves you even when things are difficult, not with conditions about how things should be - and "I'll feel something for you when it's all going smoothly".

Go NC. maybe he'll realise in a few months what he's lost. Maybe he won't. But either way, it's his loss.

And read "In the Meantime" - because that's where you are at the moment.

If he REALLY wants to be with you he would change. I would walk till it killed me to be with my ex, I really would, I would do absolutely everything as she was the perfect partner. Id suggest like Yoda to go NC. I went out with my mates last nite, and one of them said "The concept is simple Daz, you dont know what youve got until its gone!". Couldnt say it any better. His loss.

everytime you get together you rehash the same stuff you are crying.

It freaks guys out he will pull away.

Try getting together a few times over a week and rebuild some positive moments don't think about what happened in the past or talk about your relationship. Get into a routine where you are smiling and laughing together.

Rebuild a trust maybe that means no sleeping over for awhile if you think you might end up crying.

This constant crying and questioning of the relationship will continue to remind him to CONSTANTLY question it himself. If he's exhausted from a job or other stress in his life he'll feel the need to cut you loose just to relieve the pressure.

When I first got back toghether with my ex the first time we just had some get togethers he didn't know what was going on and I just wanted us to have fun and a good time together we did. I would end up going home with a lot of questions and wondering what would happen BUT I knew better than to push it.

It was two months before we had the relationship talk and we both put our cards on the table at that point he'd already rebuilt a lot of positive momente and he felt really good going back Our relationship was still awkward but getting there. Unfortunately due to financial and job stress and probably lack of good communication we broke up again. This time he was much more resisitant to spending time with me trying to rebuild.I don't know if we'll get there.

All I am saying is that if you are trying to get back with him and love him take baby steps rebuild some moments before having the big heavy talk and demands.

Best of luck to you.

This makes total sense, and it's what I want to do. But I can't change his emotions or feelings, particularly overnight and even the last few days when we've chatted and I've kept it light, he seems totally gone. We're going out tonight for dinner & drinks, so I'm hoping for the best.

DO NOT APPLY ANY SORT OF PRESSURE!

Me and my ex went out for drinks and on a few dates. She said lets see how it goes. I brought up the relationship and well.Here I am. If I had not applied pressure in the first place I probably may not of been here. Just enjoy your time together dont fall into my mistake.

That's the thing . I do have my own life! I can't remember the last Friday or Saturday night I spent alone. I have plans all this weekend and next weekend, I've been going to the gym, studying for the etc. But the problem is I come home at the end of the night and want to tell him about it, or wish that I could go see him. The problem is deeper than any of this: me just being me, even if I'm having a great time, is never enough. I'm constantly seeking validation from him. The problems here are with me, and everyone has spent so much time telling me how awful he is and the issues he has that no one has ever realized how much I need to fix on my end! I really think that's key here.

I just went back and read some of the other replies and it looks like the majority is saying the same thing. Make it fun and stop putting so much pressure on it. Don't have too many expectations of him. This is a new relationship

See, to me it seems like it would be real hard to "not get emotional" when you clearly want this to work so bad. Its possible that if you were just a happy fun entity to be around hed want to be with you officially. Given the rough state of your relationship, i don't know how easy that would be for you to do.

The only way I could see it happening is if you REALLY accept that you have a new relationship. Its not like it use to be, but it sorta is. Thats the hardest. Its like your tears seem to come from the fact that he is seemingly so distant. And that is a valid reason, because given your past relationship, this would be a reason to feel sad. You would put all your energy out there, and since he isn't, it hurts!

But, if you were just casually dating like in the first few months of the relationship, you wouldn't be crying like this. If you could some how detach yourself from worrying about if it will work out and if you would loose him, then ya might be able to function. That is a very difficult thing.