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I have been broken up with my ex now for almost 3 months. I have gone NC (by my own choice, I didn't tell her I was) starting about 2 weeks into the break up, and have only contacted her by a. responding to a text that she sent me on my b day by saying "thanks." and b. sending her a card on her b-day, then responding to an email she sent me thanking me for the card with a very short and sweet emotionless response (even though all i WANTED to type was "I love you you fool, come back to me, it's the right thing to do!) Anyway, she has another boyfriend from what I understand and I am trying not to think about that too much. I am doing a lot of things to try and keep myself active, busy, and constructive. With the exception of the fact that I miss her a lot, I love my life right now, probably more than I have ever before I just still wish I could share it with her.

Now, here's my question Is it counterproductive for me to, even though I am trying to keep busy and live my life to the fullest, still think about her all the time, still love her and still wish to one day be back together with her? I mean I have done as much as I possibly can to better my life, but I still want her back so bad, and yes, even with all the pain she's caused me, I would try again with her in a heartbeat, she's the absolute love of my life is this wrong for me to feel like that still?

Also, is it really true that the method I am following as in getting myself happy, active and positive has a tendency to bring back exes more than any other? Because not only do I want to better my own life and make myself happy, but I want to increase my chances of getting another chance with her as much as possible, I love her more than anything.

I think there's some truth to it. However, it's ironic because by the time they come back, you're quite happy that you're NOT with them, which only seems to make them even more attracted. Life truly has a cruel sense of humor.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through all this pain, but I'm right here with you. I'm going through a personal hell of sorts.

Yes, I can tell you it IS counterproductive to be thinking about her all the time. However, I have yet to see anyone come up with any solution as to how to stop thinking about someone especially one that you love.

For some, the only answer is to find someone else. However, if you aren't over this relationship which you clearly aren't, then I wouldn't suggest that. To me, it seems that natural grieving over someone is normal and necessary.

When you get to a point in your life where your ex could come up to you and ask for another chance and you have no problems telling her no, it's over, well, then you are ready to date someone else. But don't bring someone else down with you (rebound).

NC is supposed to help YOU heal. By cutting contact, you begin to live life without her again. It will hurt like a sob, but like I said, it's probably necessary.

Consider yourself lucky. Take my situation please! Ha ha, jk, but actually in my situation, I haven't been able to cut contact with the girl I'm in love with. She keeps telling me she loves me too, but she doesnt' want to work on a relationship; she'd rather be single. That should have been my red flag to walk away and go NC, but I'm so afraid to lose that closeness I still have with her. She was my best friend still is and to lose someone that you've completely opened up to saw me at my worst, and knew all my vulnerabilities, well, you have to experience it to understand because otherwise, the pain is truly unimaginable. Good luck to you.

Thanks. See I guess I should rephrase, I am not CONSTANTLY thinking about her, I just think about her often. I am no longer moping around all sad all day long, and I can even do some of the stuff we did together with little to no pain.
The thing I am really wondering is, is it ok to hope deep down that she one day wants to try again.I mean it's over for now, and I know that but is it really that bad for me to kinda keep that door open so to speak.I mean not open to the point where I wouldn't give someone else a chance if they were to come along and really turn my world around, but open to the point where I don't WANT to say "no it's over" to her if she wanted to try again, but rather say "I'm willing to try again, but you hurt me really bad, so please understand I'm going to need to take it slow"

maybe you you have to be careful, because that feeling might be you not giving up hope in diguise, and not giving up hope can be a bad to fully healing.

In any case back to the, the feelings you have are natural, I am going through the same. Some moments I think of all the bad, but the good has a way of creeping in. In any case, hoping they come back is somewhat detrimental in that its holding you back from healing and from possibly meeting new people. Its good that you are doing thing to better your life, but don't put any aspect of your life on hold for your ex, i.e. meeting a new romantic partner. You, we, need to get to the point where we don't care if they come back. For you if they come back then cross that bridge when you get there, but it can't be your focus.

So the general consensus is that it's bad to have a little hope deep down that we'll get back together one day? I was afraid of that