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I'm new here but I have been reading about other people's stories and thought you guys might be able to offer me some advice.

I broke up with my ex about 5 weeks ago, and after trying to get him back for the first few days, I eventually stayed out of contact for 3-4 weeks. (very short term I know.

On the weekend he turned up online (I know you are meant to block them!) so I sent him a quick message asking for some things back. I didnt get a reply till a few hours later.

After discussing this, he went on to ask me how I was and explain why the relationship had to end. He also said he missed me.

Eventually he asked if I wanted to try again. I said it wouldnt work and he said to just try and see what happens. I have since said yes, I would like to at least hang out. But right now I don't know if I made the right choice.

I am worried we will fall into the same pattern again and I will be as unhappy as I was before.

This was my first longterm relationship so breaking up hit me hard and I feel I have already started to change and "fix" myself. I don't know if my ex fits into what I want my new life to be.

I want to at least see him and see if the feels are there, and if they are bad or good, but I'm not ready to yet.

I have thought I should just drop out of contact again until he calls me or makes some other type of contact. That way I wont be depending on us getting back together.

Have any of you been in this situation? most people here seem to be on the other side, trying to get someone back. It is strange when i stopped is when he decided he wanted me back.

No, it's not strange at all. I dare say that most of us have experienced the "universal radar" thing. As soon as you truly feel that you want to move on, that's when they come running. It's a well known fenomenon, which I think quantum physicists might be able to explain at some point. I guess it's energy frequencies that change or something like that, but yeah. It's very very common. The positive thing about it is that it acts as a marker. A marker from yourself to you, letting you know that you're on the right track, doing what is good for you.

Best of luck,

In my experience, and I know it's different for everybody, I did end up being as unhappy as I was before. 1. Because I figured out who I was, if you will, and even though I loved this guy, his lifestyle was completely incompatible with who I was. In the past I would have tried to change for the relationship to work but I learned that maybe it's just not meant to be. 2. We never had a discussion of why it didn't work in the first place. Well, we did, and his reason was, "I was really immature". Which got us far, as you can tell. So the same things started happening just like before.

I would do what you are comfortable with. If you don't want to see him, don't see him. Just make sure you think everything through before you do anything. Good Luck!

they were. He started working very long hours and didnt contact me, stood me up a few times because he was tired from work. I didn't handle it very well. He said he broke up with me cause he couldnt handle the drama and needed to either take a break from work or from me. The thing is, it was never a break, it was a proper 'I never want to be with you again' breakup.

Now he is finishing up work again in awhile and he wants to pick up where we left off. I just don't think I can do that. if anything happened it would have to be a totally new start. I know if hasn't been long, but I have changed because the breakup make me evaluate how my life was going in general.What things I am not happy about in myself, and hold me back from living a better life.

Then I think you should act on that insight. If it's a fresh start you want, you'll not be getting that if you get back into it this too quickly. I think you might need to sort your stuff out, decide what you want your life to be like, and also give yourself the time to cement your new ideas and such. When you've done that, if you still want to be with him that is, you can try and start things over again.

The breaking up over drama seems very immature. If there's a problem in a relationship, one handles it. And as you say, it wasn't a short break it was a break up for real. I don't know enough of what happened with the stand ups and such, and I don't know how he handled those, so I can't really say if I think he had a point in making that an argument for leaving.

But, in conclusion, you seem to want to be on your own for now, so give yourself that. I think you'd be sorry if you didn't. Also, in case you actually end up really wanting to be with this man, getting back together too soon can actually hurt the relationship far worse than some time apart ever could.