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There's nothing wrong with talking to an ex, its just an issue when you both want different things. If you are on the same page and only want friendship then it doesn't matter. However if your ex affects you emotionally in a negative way then you are probably better off in NC.

I agree.I know for myself the pain of breaking NC is because my real desire is for him to say oh you have contacted me I love you so and I want you back.

Obviously this does not happen so it makes me miserable all over again.

How do you ever get from NC to a reasonable stage for communication??

I want him back.I don’t even have confidence that NC is right to achieve this it’s the breaking NC that feels terrible. I am confused.

i just took a risk, would like some feedback. this is very much so a different approach then ive taken before:

hmm. i guess you are more stubborn than i thought. then again, i admit im not well versed, or rather successful, being chill with a past darlin’. Achilles heel? Temporary like one?

you have always been a hard read. was it foolish to for me to try and rekindle things in may? maybe, but i sure wanted to. i was fairly boneheaded the way I went about it though.

i had a lot of fun with you Kate. the distance and the casual intensity made it hard to tell how things stood sometimes – maybe that’s what made the challenge so enjoyable. i was never really sure if i needed to do more or just let it run its course. but i do know one thing..as soon as i started worrying about that the spark faded.

i found perspective on a lot of things this summer. it was right for us to part when we did, things had cooled down and wouldn’t have gotten much better being apart. i was down about it for a minute because we had a really good thing going when it was going. but the idea of knowing things between you and I are chill is a nice thought.

its surprisingly easier to just say whats on my mind then to fill in the blanks with corny jokes. I hope you are doing great, Miss.

I agree with you, that is the million dollar question, how do you know when is the time to break NC and extend an olive branch of friendship to the dumper/ex/whatever?

I would think, if one would ever desire a friendship with the ex, then someone would have to break NC and take a risk. No pain, no gain.

We never had no contact at the beggining and when i poured my heart to her one night she said "we shouldnt talk or see each other" i texted her perfusely, etc called, she called, said she didnt. Then she just dissapeared for a while odd no contact. I called her on her bday and left a message, she called back and unblocked me . Two short but friendly convos later, we're back to 4 days without contact. This is a game and it's frusterating becuase I don't know if I even have a chance at winning it.

i have always been a bonehead and have failed miserably communicating with and ex after a breakup, even those that i got back together with. right now I'm trying new methods and they are seeming to work pleasantly, though its still early.

I'm really just trying to be honest and focus solely on gaining back some good communication thats lighthearted but still has some substance. if thats all my efforts amount to I'm still very happy about it.

just wrote a reply that i posted in a thread in this forum, would be great to get some feedback on it before i send it out.