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Hey I am new here and just looking for some perspective. My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me about a week ago. Since that time I've been doing alot of soul searching and I guess grieving the relationship. Yesterday we met up just to talk about what comes next and what happened and things like that. Essentially her reasoning for breaking up with me goes as such. 'I love you, we have lots of fun together and I still find you attractive but something is missing for me right now and I need to find out what that is. I'm not interested in seeing anyone else but as of right now this feels right to take a step back for now.' Also that she doesn't know who she is yet so how can she know what she wants in a relationship at this point was a factor in her decision. I admit we are young, her being 21 and me 22, and we are finishing up our fourth years of university so where we go from there is a big question since she wants to do a year program in Africa and I'm going on to a Master's degree. I guess my question is this, do you think that you need to take a step back before you take a step forward for some relationships to work in the end. My feeling is that I respect her decision because she has always been afraid of comitting at a young age and one of her friends got married this year. Also one of her friends 5 year relationship is starting to deteriorate and the girl doesn't feel like she knows who she is anymore. So I think these played factors. Since that time I've really just been working on myself, taking on more volunteer jobs, working out, focusing on my thesis and just doing things I enjoy to do. I think I can do L.C because I have confidence in myself still, and I realize that I don't want her back in 2 weeks or 2 months, because she will still be in that same mental state as when we broke up, I want to give her the opportunity to find out she is because I genuinely love her. So essentially what do you guys and gals think, I've locked up what I hope for us in the end (getting back together and starting something new yet familiar, because the time we had together was amazing), and packed it into a little corner of my heart, but should I just throw this hope away altogether and think that those were just sugar coated words and in the end will never be together again.

Obviously if this is what she feels like she needs to do then it's something she should do.

It's better than trying to force a relationship to continue, which could lead to higher tensions and you both breaking up on bad terms rather than good ones (which it seems like you both did).

I beleive so.

Im in almost the same situation. Its been a little over a month and nothing has really changed.

This is the time in our lives (Im 23) where we need to figure out what we need to do for the rest of our lives. Sometimes the stress from a is too much for some too make that clear cut decision.

I understand the use of NC and appreciate that its meant for you to find yourself again. The thing with me is that although I am sad the intimacy of the relationship is over, I am no longer distraught, angry or mopey. If anything I feel like I have more confidence in myself because before this relationship I was a jerk, and during and coming out of it I've become a much more stronger and well-rounded individual and know that I have alot to bring to the table in any relationship. I guess that is why I don't feel like I need to go the NC route, because in the week since its happened I've already found ways to make myself feel great and more confident without her. I also don't want to disappear because she was a big part of my life, and since we are both going seperate ways at the end of this school year, I want to build a solid foundation of truth, honesty and fun so that when we are ready to start thinking about long-term relationships maybe we come back together. If not then at least the three years that we were together are not for nothing and we salvaged a friendship (we were friends before getting together also). For me this is a journey, not merely my girlfriend broke up with me and now I want her back as soon as possible. I feel when she is ready she will see there are not many people like me out there, and when she does it will be up to me if I think there is still a chance. I am not waiting, and I am not giving her the part of me that only someone who wants to be with me gets. I'm in the mentality of set a love free, and what is meant to be will be right now, and if not something better will come. I'm giving her space and myself space. Do you guys still think I should go the NC route though and why?

Also, for anyone who goes through I break up, I recommend you write down everything you feel and think, because it is a tremendously cleansing experience, because after you write it down its almost like you setting those thoughts free, and in doing so getting yourself back.

Also, for anyone who goes through I break up, I recommend you write down everything you feel and think, because it is a tremendously cleansing experience, because after you write it down its almost like you setting those thoughts free, and in doing so getting yourself back.