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I'm 28 years old, and I am/was in a great relationship with a man who is 34. We were together for 8 months, during which "we were very happy with each other" - his words. He is marriage/family-minded, and we did discuss long term plans.

Two months ago, he received an incredible job offer in a city across the country. It was extremely difficult for him to make the decision of whether to move - partly because of our relationship. I have a very flexible job (traveling nurse), and I was able to find a spot in that city. He said, "Great - this is wonderful for you and I. Plus you'll just love city x."

A month ago, we both moved to the new city. For two weeks, he went on a "guys trip" with his best buddies. I supported him and told him to enjoy his time off. During this time, I helped him set u phis new place in the new city. He came back 2 two week later, and said to me, "I am questioning our relationship. We have a great connection and great chemistry. You're a friend and a confidante. I respect you and I care about you. But I don't feel like we're 'totally and deeply in love,' which is what I think you need to marry somewhat."

He went on to say that he feels that we "like each other deeply" but we are not "close" - he sited examples such as we did not call each other everyday during the two weeks when he was traveling, and that I wasn't affectionate when he came back in the airport. He said that in his past relationships, by 8 months, he was deeply in love and they are inseparable. "emotionally, we are just not there after these months," his words. His previous girlfirned of five years was "emotional insecure, but extremely caring, almost too much." But in our relationships, we are both very independent - I have my own job, my own friends, etc. Even though we enjoy our time together, I also have a life. He said that we are not interdependent enough, and that's not good enough for marriage.

I told him that I feel like love is a long term, daily commitment. And that it has nothing to do with that "swept away feeling" or that "glued to the hip feeling." I told him that I express my love by supporting his dreams and embracing his shortcomings as well as his good qualities. And I felt like 8 months is not a long time for make a life time decision. He disagreed, he said that if we are "not totally in love" by now then we should move on.

So my situation now is, I just moved to a brand new city, starting a new job, and I am losing my relationship. What are your advices about what I can or can not do at this point?

Thanks so much for your advice!

If you aren't sure if you love him after all those months, I'd question why you're still together. Granted, relationships all over the place happen, where people like each other a lot, work well together and there's no love. I'm not judging you. I'm just saying, I can see his point. However, I do think it's pretty shabby to say this to you after you've made a big commitment. I think you have to ask yourself how much you want to save this relationship.

good point, you just moved a long way for a guy you weren't sure about in that case! was that the truth? Have you told him how you feel about him?

I don't know what to tell you, we all have differening needs for that passion and chemistry. for some it's more important than for others. do you think that your bf is insecure that you told him you didn't know how you felt about him?

i was about to say that if i were you i'd be pissed off if i moved cross-country only to have this dumped on me soon after arriving in a new place.

then i read your second post and i'm like did you move cross country if you weren't sure?

i'm not judging you by any means obviously you got your stuff together which is admirable because you were willing to uproot and relocate on a chance that this relationship will work but man what a gamble.

i hope everything works out for you.

I guess your response to his question bothered him during the trip. kinda been a long time to not know whether or not you two love each other or not

anyway it still was kinda crass of him to act this way despite everything you've done for the relationship so far. The fact that he wants you overly dependent on him is also creepy. It's actually GOOD that you aren't. Do you know how many people try to commit suicide over heartbreak? That's why you know they were TOO dependent on each other, why would you want to go thru that crap.

anyway you two should sit down and have a serious discussion about this, let him know how you feel about what he said and also try to see things from his own side. I wish you luck

I would say he met someone on the trip or is thinking about another girl because none of his excuses make much sense.