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The truth about Introverts.

Do you know someone who needs hours alone everyday? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or idea’s, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in small groups and inept at small talk?

Well then you probably have an introvert on your hands. Introverts are hugely misunderstood.

Extroverts are highly energized by people and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves; leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and they’ll be reaching for their cell phone. Introverts on the other hand, after being socially “on” for a few hours need time to recharge by being alone.

Introverts are usually seen as shy, this is not true. Shyness means being anxious or frightened or disapprove of one’s self. This is rarely the case with introverts. Introverts are often seen as arrogant, this is usually because of our lack of small talk, which to extroverts means; I don’t like you. Introverts make up approximately 25% of the population. However, Introverts are a minority in the general population, but a majority in the gifted population. The reason for this is introverts are more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts.

Extroverts tend to think by talking, whereas introverts think before they talk. The original meanings of the words invented by Carl Jung in the late 20’s are;

Extrovert – finds meaning outside themselves.
Introvert – finds meaning within themselves.

Extroverts are highly unlikely to understand introverts. All you have to do is look at the words used to describe introverts; guarded, loner, reserved, self-contained, private and narrow. These are all ungenerous words that suggest a narrow personality.

For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping and as nourishing as eating.

The worst part is I don’t think extroverts realize the torment that they put introverts through. Having to listen to their 98% content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even listen to themselves. I can’t wait for the day when it won’t be impolite to say, “I’m an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you, but for now, please shush”

So what to do with an introvert? First recognize that it’s not a choice, it’s not a lifestyle, and it’s an orientation. Second, when you see an introvert in deep thought, don’t ask them what’s wrong? Or, are you alright? Third don’t say anything else either. Fourth when they’re done with their deep thoughts ask them what they were thinking about.

this is an age of pop psychology and I see many flaws with the statements in msg 1

there are extroverts with an internal locus of control
and there are introverts who are quite because they just
lack good communication skills and cannot expresss themselves
well with words.

I look for balance not extremes and a pure introvert
would be off my list for dating or close friendship
because people who are extreme are usually not balanced emotionally.

there are extroverts with an internal locus of control
and there are introverts who are quite because they just
lack good communication skills and cannot expresss themselves
well with words.
I didn't see any flaws in what he said whatsoever. But I do see some flaws in your interpretation of it - you're reading things that aren't there.

He was describing the types, and their characteristics. He never said, nor did he imply, anything about somebody being either one or the other.

People are very seldom one or the other of *anything*. People are a mix and match of different personality types generally, with all sorts of characteristics of every type. It's the specific mix that makes us all unique and individuals.

Ms. rainbow, all a true introvert is is someone who needs a good deal of alone time to recharge and to stay sane while a true extrovert needs to be around people as much as possible to recharge and stay sane. I'm a textbook introvert, and I love people and having a good time just like anyone else. At the end of the night, though, I have to get away from it all because excessive socialization (while it's certainly fun) makes me tired.

Being a poor communicator is more about shyness I think, and introvert and shyness isn't necessarily the same thing.

Um, No.

While certain people do have more or less of those behavioral traits described on both sides of the 'vert' fence, neither is a liscense to claim the victim badge & proclaim people w/ different traits are putting you through anything.

There are plenty of people who won't care for what they (also falsely) percieve as depressive morose brooding & attribute it to an overly ego-centric world view. Just as you have done to the more extroverted end of the human spectrum.

This kind of devisive labeling does no good in the long run other than give your ego a place to hide from the world's malestrom.

How about re-wording that yourself into "Tips to help relate to a quiet person"? The current language comes across as arrogant & self serving. Stated otherwise it might actually help bridge that gap to which it refers.

I agree, we have a real prejudice against introverts in our society.
All our popular culture is geared towards to extroverts.
Everyone admires the life of the party, the one getting all the attention, the one who makes us laugh.
We look down on the introvert and exalt the extrovert.
We think extroverts are happy and introverts are sad. No one wants to be introverted.
The word introverted sounds dower and depressing.
But this is what I have noticed.
Extroverts are a lot of fun, yes, but they are overall, shallow, insincere, undependable, and frivolous.
Introverts are overall, thoughtful, polite, trustworthy, and dependable.
Power to the Introverts !

This thread makes me wonder if the people agreeing with the srk are introverts and the ones disagreeing are extroverts. It seems to be somewhat polarised. I'll check the "introvert" box. Yes, I need hours alone to recharge. I'm not morose or self-obsessed. I don't brood, or sulk. I find people fascinating, learn a lot from them, can enjoy being with them I'm not completely socially inept but I don't 'get' socialising just for the sake of making contact with other human beings. Being with people exhausts me, even when it's enjoyable. I never get lonely when I am on my own: I find it tranquil.

In contrast, I have a good friend who has always loathed to be alone, even for an hour. That can be as much hard work as someone who wants to be alone a lot. We are all different Is there any need to fight about it and claim that anyone is 'wrong' or 'less' for feeling the way they do?

I agree but don't. I was an introvert. I realized that I couldn't be an introvert and succeed in an extroverted world. So I changed. I don't really fit in either now.

But to defend extroverts do you know how annoying it is when an introvert doesn't express what is wrong. Every have an extrovert and an introvert date? Communication is insane and very difficult.adonis

Is anyone out there both? I like going out sometimes and other times I want nothing more than to be alone. Sometimes I can communicate what is wrong, and sometimes I just can't, not that I won't.it can be frustrating not being able to undestand why or what is wrong sometimes, so I empathize. I am not sure if being a mix is better, worse, or the same as being one or the other, but I kinda like it!

I'm sure you meant well with your assessment of the introvert but did you really have to go and take shots at the extrovert, who just like you, they can't help who they are.



Being an extrovert was no walk in the park for me either. Let me tell you a little about my experience. From a young age I was always one of those that asked alot of questions and always had something to say. There were those that accepted and fostered that "curiosity" within me and there were, unfortunately, alot of people, mostly teachers, that labeled me as the troubled child. Do you know how much it hurts to be told by an adult, who you as a child look up to, to shut up? Do you know what it feels like to always have notes sent home to your parent about your inability to sit still and pay attention?? Do you know what it feels like to have your mind constantly racing, to always be bored??? We too are labeled...what are they calling it now?? ADD.. ADHD Do you know what it feels like to be told that you have to be put on drugs or you won't be allowed to come back to class?? To have to sit there and be subjected to those disapproving looks, that somehow manage to make you feel two feet tall and rip at your soul.

Then I went on to marry an introvert, the whole opposite attracts business. I was attracted to the fact that he always seemed so mature, so confident and he was attracted to the fact that I was so outgoing, so popular. I guess he looked to me to make up for his inability to socialize and I love that mysterious air he had. Little did I know that this would become a relationship made in hell. Like everything it was ok in the beginning, but as time passed he stopped laughing at my jokes and didn't find me so charming anymore. It was only a matter of time before he began to criticize everything I did. "Why don't you shut the hell up?" "What are you stupid?" Over and over again. It got to the point that I actually start to believe it about myself.

He never use to talk. Days went by without a word from this man and I spent the whole time seconding guessing, trying to open him up, constantly trying to entertain him and make him happy. But it was never enough and I was always wrong, according to him. The whole atmosphere of our home was depressive and I became a shadow of what I once was. Yes, he was a highly intelligent man but he was always very manipulative and he had a malicious streak in him a mile long. I believe those are the same characteristics that a serial killer has. Did you know that most serial killers are introverts?



The reason for this is introverts are more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts.


The worst part is I don’t think extroverts realize the torment that they put introverts through. Having to listen to their 98% content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even listen to themselves.