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I've been thinking a lot about the situations that a lot of us are in where our exes began dating somebody very soon after the break-up. A lot of people classify these as rebounds, but sometimes they work out.

I have a theory that if the dumpee remains in the picture, the rebound will become a successful relationship; while if the dumpee leaves, the dumper is more likely to become newly attracted to the missing dumpee, and return.

To elaborate

From reading some situations on ENA it seems to me that a dumper's "rebound" relationship is more likely to last if the dumpee remains in the picture in some capacity, whether as a friend or as the ex trying to "win back" the dumper. I feel like this gives the dumper control over the dumpee, knowing that he/she is a sure thing, which therefore decreases the dumper's attraction to the dumpee. The dumper can then freely pursue this new person, while knowing that (just in case) the ex is waiting on the sidelines. I've even read about some of these "rebound" relationships leading to engagement and marriage when the dumpee is still in contact.

One case in particular I have heard of - the dumpee told the dumper that she feared he was going to be engaged soon to the new person, which he wrote off as absurd. But...it came true several months later. It's like in some twisted way the dumper played on the dumpee's fear - made that fear a reality - to maintain control over her feelings. I think it's a completely unconscious decision to manipulate in this way, but in a very twisted way, it makes sense.

It seems that the more often a dumpee wins back the dumper is by exiting the picture completely while the dumper pursues this new person. I think it gives the dumper a chance to realize that the "sure thing" they had (due to his/her initial attempts to reconcile and get back together) is gone and that once the excitement of the new person wears off, they miss their ex.

It's a matter of reverse psychology - we always want what we think we can't have. And we don't miss what we have until it's gone.

Does anyone have examples that would "prove" this theory? Or examples that completely negate it?

I don't have any examples, but I'm james try it.

An interesting theory. However, I think that it would be difficult to prove or disprove. People are so individual, so unique that human behavior is (alas) very difficult to predict.

I think that you may have some good points, there. It's been from my experience that shortly after having NC. My ex began pursuing me. The problem was that she was already living with someone and I'm not going to be "on the side" but it's as you said. They "realize what they lost".
-Even the greenest of grass on the other side of the fence may have a smelly turd in it.

It's amazing how related things come up here all in the same day. this is the third time today.

I agree with your conclusion, but have a different take on why it happens.

When the dumpee stays in the picture, he/she gives the dumper an intense emotional connection to someone.

This leaves the dumper free to form a new purely romantic/physical connection and still feel complete, so the new relationship is encouraged.

But with the dumpee out of the picture, this new relationship is revealed as (sometimes) being empty and devoid of significance, so the new relationship fails.

Just a new theory I'm trying outdoes that make sense?

you see, me and my ex dated on and off for three years. during that time, i dated someone else, and my ex returned to the picture and wanted me back. i know it's evil to say, but I was happy he was jealous. after all, he'd had four months to get me back, and he chose not to so I moved on. but i continued to talk to my ex, and yes, I still loved him, despite being with someone else. if he didn't talk to me for a few days, I'd get worried and call him to talk. me and the new guy broke up, and the ex came and tried to win me back.

well, now the tables are turned, and he is with someone else. i went NC the day after he even so much as mentioned there was a girl he was interested in. but he tried the whole, "I'm james be there for you forever and do whatever it takes to make you happy" thing on me, but everyone told me, "Don't let him have his cake and eat it too." So its been strict NC for a month now.

I've always come back to him before but this time, this is the longest it's gone. I'm wondering if this theory is true but either way, I just want to get over him and be OK without him, regardless of anything.

I'll let you know how it turns out!

I agree with you. That's why I finally decided to disappear from my ex's life.
Someone here, I think it's Clabs, once wrote something so simple yet so true and it caught my attention: Sometimes the best way for a dumpee to get a dumper back is to dump them back themselves.
interesting thing to say.
If I got it right you mean when a dumpee stays in touch he/she indirectly gives the dumper a sense of fulfillment which the dumper erroneously attributes to the new person in their life. And thus, the dumper pursues the new person more and more thinking they are the source of their completeness.
When, on the other hand, the dumpee disappears a sudden feeling of emptiness fills the dumper and he/she realizes the new person is not the source of their emotional wholeness as they had imagined.

Would it still work if the EX has gone back to his EX wouldn't that make the dumpee a complete rebound in the true sense ?

You need to leave the dumper alone so that the new relationship will take its natural course Your intrusion into the development of the new relationship will alter its course and influence it in directions you may not intend.
Apart from this why do you want to hang around to find out gruesome detail how depressing.

Very interesting thread.
I think it might be the case often, that you become more interesting to your ex if you show them you have integrity. If your ex still has feelings for you. f not, I guess it doesnt matter what you do.
I think no contact, no matter the situation, is about integrity and self respect. The fact that you show your ex that you may leave me, but you wont be controlling and influencing my life gioves you a sense of self worth and integrity.
In order to feel that interest in someone you need to also feel that person has integrity. You dont want to be chosen by some one who would take anyone, because he or she is so desperate. You want to feel that the other person has high standards, and that you meet them. Its not really about your self, but about how you show the other person that if I choose you its because you are so fantastic. Not because Im so desperate and devastated that Ill take anything that comes in my way. No one wants to be that left over in your life.