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i was with my ex for a year and we had split up for a month.
we had a fight and didnt speak for two weeks until today. i sent him an email saying.
hi,
i miss you
love
i wanted to do that because i hated that we didnt speak at all and that we supposedly hated each other. we had pretended each other didn't exist for 2 weeks. so he recieved the mail and he called today. i didnt pick up. i know i shoudl have picked up - that was a mistake but i didnt. then he sent me 'you sent me a nice email' by sms

fast forward to right now: what do i do? i get him out of my head, he feels like my future husband or something. he was too jealous and controlling and young for me. in the good times he was amazing and made me laugh and i know he loved me a lot.

do i follow my heart? ive had the opposite in my life a man who was peaceful and comforting and good for my life ( it wasnt stormy and passionate) and in a way i appreciated that. i was with that person for 7 years and it was a good relationship filled with mutual love and concern.

this one now(my recent ex) is more raw; its like my heart feels so strongly for him but reason tells me its not what you base a long term relationship on. this guy is so sweet but hes got a lot to learn and he is not always stable and like i said he is possesive and wants no space from me when i require a lot of space and freedom in a relationship. its a turbulent relationship but like i said deep down i just really love him. is that what i should follow or should i spite my heart to get the kind of relationship that is predictable and solid.

anyway i kind of have an immediate problem and it is my response to him. it determines everything really. we werent in contact and i left him so i am sure he is hopeful but also thinking 'what the f**k does she want? i made it clear i didnt want him back. i regret it because i miss him and i cant stop loving him even through all the problems we had, but he doesnt know that.

i wish we could keep in touch for a long while, both sort our heads and lives out a bit, and then come back together. is this foolish thinking ?

in truth what i want to tell him 'im sorry i didnt pick up ur call but i dont think we should speak for the moment, i sent u an email because i wanted to establish that we dont hate each other, and thats a good start'

in reality this sounds false and full of crap. i know if i call we will arrange to meet and i will start sleeping with him and seeing him all the time and im not really ready for that. what he wants is to get back together - he has made that clear.

but couldnt we take things really really slow? is there a way to let him know that without hurting him?

pls help i am confiding in you guys for the first time and i hope i have been clear. i hope maybe there is someone out there who has experience with this or can see from my post what i can try to respond to him.

i was very wary of posting on here before because it is mostly for people who have been left and i am not sure if i will recieve support. thank you anyone that reads this or helps.

one thing i know for sure even if it is just a detail is that i have to give him a sign soon, tonight and before he calls again. i am so stuck. like i said how i feel is 'im sorry i didnt pick up ur call but i dont think we should speak for the moment, i sent u an email because i wanted to establish that we dont hate each other, and thats a good start' but its rubbish its a complete rejection after initiating contact oh man please help

i would really appreciate a response from someone. i have no replies and its been a day since i posted. guess i am missing some eno love:
thanks

I don't think that sounds like rubbish. Is that how you really feel though, you don't want to speak for the moment? How long until you want to speak again? Maybe e-mails or texts are a good start. You're not completely out of each other's lives, but you're still not seeing him (facing physical temptation to be with him again). I would tell him exactly what you wrote in the post. But, if you really care about him, maybe a passionate relationship with some flaws might not be so bad in the long run... if you tell him your concerns about freedom and space and work with him, maybe he can become more mature and stable as the relationship progresses. But maybe not. Ultimately, it's up to you whether or not you want to take the risk.