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I do not know what to do in this situation.



My boyfriend and i split up a few days ago, but kept in contact over msn. we had been dating for a little over two years. we were very close.
But now on msn, he is speaking like nothing has happened, like we used to speak, having little jokes. (he always speaks to me first) now i went along with this because i wasn't sure how to react, why is he acting like nothing has happened?
he always said he wants to stay friends, and that he misses me. but he doesn't think we will be getting back together, but he doesn't know about the future.

now my ex's life at the moment, is far from perfect, he is unhappy in his life in general and his reasons for ending it were: he wanted to be alone, he wanted freedom to see what it is like, and he still loves me in the way that he cares for me alot.

but he insists on still speaking to each other. he even puts kisses when he has to go (after the break up he didn't do that for a while.) and he tells me not to date this other boy because he doesn't like him.
also i have asked him, 'do you think we should stop speaking for a while' and he says 'no, we are fine' what does that mean?
what should i do? shall i stop contacting him? or speak to him when he speaks to me? i really believe we have another chance, but i don't know what he is thinking, and i don't want to pressurize him because when we broke up, i asked so many questions. i pretty much need advice!

It sounds like he's as confused about his feelings and yours and your relationship in general as you are. What do you want? If you're unsure then all I can say is Give it time see where it goes.

Good Luck

i really want him back, i know this can work. but i dont understand what he is doing. he isn't the type to mess people around at all.

He's using you as his emotional crutch. Go jercy.

what does that mean?
and will jercy help ?!
sorry im all over the place

He has no right to tell you who not to date. You two are not a couple anymore. You're a single and free woman.

From the sounds of it, he's using you as emotional support (or "emotional crutch" as someone else here posted). This means he'll continue keeping you hanging there on the sidelines, knowing he has someone there to comfort him "just in case" while still being free to do whatever he wants as a single man. Either you're together or you're not and he's trying to have it both ways. This is unfair to you and will only hurt you in the long run.

The main question is do you want him back?

It means "No Contact" and it seems to be the answer to everyone else's problems for a lot of people on this site.

I think you need to have an honest and open dialog with him. Let him know how you really feel and find out how he really feels. It will probably hurt to be truly honest with each other but you'll both be much better off in the long run.

Oops! Just read the rest of the thread and realized that you do, indeed, want him back. It's time for you to institute NC. He's obviously confused about the whole situation, but is completely in control of it as well. Don't give him that power.

Yes, jercy does seem appealing right now.
i do think we still have a chance, but we have to start at being friends again first. we lost our 'spark'.
I understand what you are saying Vertex, but i know he is extreamly confused right now, basically, we always spoke everyday, even if we didnt see eachother, i would ring him etc, i suppose you could say i was smothering him a little.

i do think he needs space. jercy would see if he comes back and makes more of an effort to contact me. could this work?

I did that for four weeks after my break-up with my ex. You know where it got me? Nowhere. I ended up torturing myself for four weeks straight before I started jercy. Sometimes you can be as honest and open as you want after all, I based my entire relationship with my ex on that ideal but it just does not work.

When it comes down to it if your partner breaks up with you, there's a reason behind it. It's a hard decision for them to make. They thought it throug, and made the move. If a few words or open lines of communication could resolve whatever problems were there. so many of us would be living in a solid and healthy relationship and wouldn't be here all confused.