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Which do you think is more effective in trying to "win" your lover back when you were together for 2 years and there is a third party now involved? The book "how to get your lover back" stresses using and loving them back to you.where Jercy (I know it's intended to get YOU back allows them to miss you and realize what life is really like without you).

Personally, I think while you are trying to "win" them back you will face an uphill battle. Especially after 2 years, they know what they have left.

Truly, your best option is to will yourself to move on. While you are trying to "win" them back anything you do will be pretty transparent to them.

Why is everyone obsessed with my ex? The last time I talked to her she told me she went to go meet this guy. Someone she has been "friends" with on myspace for a while. But, she's "dating" this other guy. Well , I went to look at the "friends" page and he put all of these pictures up of them together..they have only hung out twice. They went to the art museum and out to eat. He was leaving comments like, "I give her a 10." Ohhhh it makes me sick. Why didn't I do stuff like take tons of pictures of her like that!? She called me after this "date" if you wanna call it that and said she misses me. I dont' understand. I have logged into my aol account and I know that she has sent me two messages thru myspace in the last two days, but I don't want to check them. I'm just feeling depressed after seeing this.

These are always tough questions to answer. I never read that book, and probably never will. At best, this kind of book takes an amoral attitude, at worst, this kind of book takes a Machiavellian attitude.

From your point of view, I'm sure you are saying something like "Hey, I was with her for 2 years, and I'm entitled to fight for her regardless of who she is with right now."

From his point of view, I'm sure he is saying something like "Hey, this guy had 2 years to build a good relationship with her, why is he interfering with our relationship now because he blew it and it's over?"

Go with the jercy it's better for both of you if she misses you, sobering. If she stays with him, fine but at least she will follow her own heart without argument from you.

Thanks for the advice. I think I'm over the arguing phase. Ugh I had not logged into myspace for a few days but I went ahead and did tonight. She just said, "I like your new pics..glad to see you smiling..definitely not a fake smile like you and I use to talk about." THen she said she quit her job and her parents didn't know yet so she didn't know what to do Monday morning (she mentioned pretending to go to work). I told her she should meet me at the park (I havent seen her for almost a month). I'm starting to regret saying that though. Not sure if I'm ready to see her again. She hasn't gotten my message yet though. It would probably be rude for me to just not get on again to check if she responded though. What if she say's "yes I will meet you" ?

I've tried several times to be friends with ex's and all it does is make the person that got dumped hold on longer. I truly believe once you have feelings for someone unless it ended in a bitter breakup you'll remain having those feelings and always hope that someday it works out again. So for me the friends option is out. I prefer to remain in LC and see where it goes.

As I've posted in several other threads I don't believe jercy works unless your trying to get over the person you having jercy with. If that is your situation than by all means go NC and don't remain friends. Your friendship ended the day they broke up with you. Sorta like 2 friends on the playground getting into a fist fight you aren't going to go hangout with him after you've ended the friendship are you? Plus how would you deal with them dating someone else while your right there having it thrown in your face. Now if your over the person and have no feelings and can separate the 2 friendship might be a option.

also, is it better to try other methods before choose nc? for example, my ex tells me that she wants to be best friends with me for now. while i still want to ultimately be together with her, would it be smart for me to still stay close to her and spend as much quality time with her as i can (without talking about our relationship), to try to rebuild our bond? or am i just holding onto false hope by doing this?

I don't understand something. Superdave has mentioned in alot of posts that you shouldn't be friends with your ex (or maybe he meant at first) because he refuses to be second best. Yet, I read some of his older posts where he talks about his gf being with another guy yet, he was still her "best friend" and was communicating/hanging out with her. I wonder which to do.

Well, in my case I just want to show her that I can be more of a positive person. I want to create more positive moments with her, show her that I can be more of a people person, and that I can be more spontaneous and fun too. I'm worried that these other guys are like that (actually I know they are) and she is just going to forget about me. With jercy I can't show her I can change. If I don't contact her, I guess she will think I don't care. Oh I also had some jealousy issues, so I guess my staying friends with her while she sees someone else shows that I can overcome jealousy issues. Superdave has said things about giving them "space" during jercy and I don't know if that's what she wants. She messages me quite frequently. I know there are atleast 3 other guys that want to date her right now. Why did I have to be so negative and take her for granted? I know I did alot of really good things for her, but I also blew it by doing some other things.

I would also like to add that when she broke up with me she said that she was going to do it earlier but thought I would mope around. Am I just pretty much done for? She still acts excited to talk to me thru phone/email whenever we do talk. Maybe there is just something wrong with her. Especially for her to jump into another relationship right away.