I was set up on a blind date by my best friend's girlfriend I was set up on a blind date by my best friend's girlfriend, Kathy. Neither I nor the blind date talked to each other or anything. We were just Instructed by Kathy to meet at a certain place In the mall and go from there. I didn’t like the arrangement, but Kathy was so excited about It that I couldn't say no. So, I went to the mall, looking for a girl wearing a white scarf and mittens. I arrived a little early, and Immediately saw a girl wearing white gloves and mittens at the exact spot I was Instructed. Not to be shallow, but she wasn't the most attractive girl. Nevertheless, I had made a promise to Kathy, and approached her. Not only was I unattached to her, but I hated her personality. I Nancy from the get-go that this would be one of those scenarios where I could do no wrong. But, I tried anyway. She asked If I wanted to go get a beer. Trying to persuade her to not like me, I told her I didn’t drink, even though I do. "Neither does me! That's great!" she said. Damn. Next, she asked If I wanted to go get some dinner. Trying to be one of those creepy guys who tries to get In the bedroom quickly, I told her we should skip dinner and go straight back to my house. Naturally, she was delighted by this proposal. We arrived at my house, and I asked her to stay outside while I tidied a few things up. I ran Into my clean house and strung trash everywhere, hoping she would think I lived In a pig sty. Unfortunately, she was watching me through the window, laughing. "You're silly!" she said as I let her In my house, completely disregarding What she had just seen. She asked If I wanted to watch a movie. Figuring I had come to the point of no return, I decided we would watch Forrest Gump, a movie that I have nearly memorized word-for-word. Trying to annoy her, I recited the dialogue from the first half hour of the movie. She was giving me this weird look, so I figured It was working and she was annoyed out of her mind. Wrong. "That Is amazing! I love you!" she yelled, and asked me to keep on going. Yet. I recited all of Forrest Gump, minus a handful of lines here and there. She watched me In awe, not even glancing at the TV screen. It was late, and I really did have to work In the morning, so when the movie ended, I asked to drive her back to her car at the mall. She said "I have a better Idea" and started undressing. Looking for one last desperate move, I went In the bathroom and called my friend Elli on my cell phone, telling her to come over and pretend to be my girlfriend. Elli was on her way to my house to pretend to walk In on me cheating on her when I decided not to go through with the plan, and Instead just told my date I didn’t think she was my type and asked her to leave. She understood, and left peacefully. I felt like a huge jerk. The next morning, Kathy called. I expected her to ask me how the date went, but Instead she was crying. My blind date and Elli had run Into each other In their cars a few blocks from my house, Injuring them both and totaling both cars, and all because of my stupidity! They were both treated for Injuries and kept overnight In the hospital. Boy was my face red |