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So this girl I've been talking to lately is sending me mix messages. How we met was a bit out of the norm I would say. We first met in a lab class last semester and the thing was she approached me. The problem there was that I was really shy to even ask for her number. We didn't really get to know each other well that time too but just enough to know names and a few interest during class. So the semester ended with me not getting her number.

Come this semester, we got the same class again and she found me! Our class was huge so I guess I wasn't aware she was even in it. This was about a week into the start of classes for the semester. So this time, I'm telling myself I better make a move this time because I felt she was kind of interested in me since she was doing all the approaching. Well turned out I ended dropping the class and when I did, she randomly sent me a short e-mail just saying hi see you in class. She got my e-mail address from last semesters lab class.

Here was where my dilemma was, I knew I should have just met her up and asked if we should hang out but I chickened out again. I did get her number from an e-mail though. So a few days later I called her and basically we talked for a good 40 minutes or so and I ended up the conversation without even asking for a date!

So I text messaged her asking if she wanted to have some lunch sometimes and I just got messages about her being busy all weekend and what not so I figured that I lost her interest already. I sent an e-mail later on just asking how she was doing in class and she basically responded back and said she's free Wednesday before 5pm. So yesterday I gave her a call with the intention of wanting to set up a date today for lunch and apparently she was really busy or something and the phone cut off (probably her end). So this time I sent a text message back asking if she wanted to get lunch today with no reply.

So I think I pretty much messed up this chance to get together and need some advice from you all on my situation here. Should I be more persistent or cut my losses and move on?

Sorry for long post didn't know how to get the message out any shorter!

edit: a little background on myself, I haven't been in a relationship for a long time, over 3 years. I haven't even been on a date for that long too (I know, very unhealthy) I guess my past relationship affected me emotionally and mentally. Trying to just improve and I am inexperienced in the whole dating thing

You give up to easily and you lack self confidence.

There are several indications in your post that she is interested in you and you keep placing emphasis on the negative, rather than the positive aspects of her responses.

Keep at it until you get a definite date set up..just wait a couple of days in between your attempts so you don't come across as desperate.

"You can do as I say, or say as I do, but don't say as I do and then don't not do it."

It seems like she likes you.

You're quite hesitant about jumping in but when you do jump in you're not smooth enough.

I would not text her to ask her out. In a few days, call her with the intent of chatting for no more than 1-2 minutes and then ask her out. You must have a specific date/time for the date..

Be prepared for the following scenarios:

* She says yes (easy). Tell her you'll call her back on the day of the date to confirm that you are picking her up at her place. Then, end the conversation right away.

* She says no, she's busy, and doesn't offer any other possibility. Tell her that's great - she can call you if she wants to hang out. Hang up. She probably won't call you and I'd move on.

* She says no, she's busy but offers you an alternative. It might be tough to do but I'd personally say no, suggesting that you'll call her back next week when you are less busy. Hang up.

Do not send text messages at this stage.

Instead of thinking about making a move and being nervous about it, you should just smile, be charming and make her laugh.

Thanks for the advice! I updated the original post for the full story but I'm going to give it a few days to call back because I don't want to give her the feeling that I'm needy or desperate. And I'll try to be more confident hehe

It's not unhealthy to go a long period of time without a relationship.

Just give it time, but don't act too much upon that you really want to date her.

You should of called back and asked, "hey so that date?"

Just give her one last call and say "hey its been hard to get lunch with you, are you free anytime soon?"

It's just you can't be coming off too desperate, its almost at this point you have to let her make the move, unless she could of been thinking that you lost interest.

I Need Your Advice ...

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I've been dating this girl since mid September and we have been hanging out every weekend since. I can't get enough of this girl, she's practically perfect and I can't see a single flaw in her. We were setup by our friends. I come home every Friday and we go out with another couple to restaurants, movies, and usually go back to our friends' house later on during the night.

I already made the first move because I figured she wasn't going to make it so I went in for the kiss and I somehow ended up getting a few more after the first. We've been kissing, holding hands, hugging, and cuddling on the couch. She likes to grab hold of my arm and get real close whenever we're walking anywhere. I realize that these are all great signs that she's into me. She's even said she thinks I'm cute and that she really likes me and I've told her the same.

The only problem is that she's been hurt and mistreated by others in past relationships. Trusting me and the fact that I won't hurt her like the rest have is extremely hard for her to do. I'm taking it slow, as slow as she wants to go with everything.

I talk to her either it be texting here and there during the day and the past few days I've been able to actually have a full on conversation with her over the phone. I was shocked to find that the past few nights when I call her or vice versa I can really get her to open up and we talk for about an hour. I realize I shouldn't overdo it but I can't complain that we are hitting it off so well.

I guess the real question I have and I didn't mean to blabber off, should I ask her what she wants in a relationship and if she's willing to give me a chance? I don't want to be like the rest, I want to make her happy. I don't want to come off as mushy and emotional to her or scare her off. I just want to know what she's thinking about everything.

I'd really appreciate any advice any of you have...

Thanks!

think you need to get some perspective here - she does have flaws that you havent seen yet. Find some and start thinking of those when you get the urge to go overboard - which you clearly are with all this 'what do you want out of a relationship' crap. Keep doing what you are doing and dont turn up the committment talk - you dont need to make things 'official' to have that anyways. Committment is what you already have - no need to put pressure on your relationship by turning up the heat on her or you could send her running for the hills.
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keep it slow. you said she is a bit timid to start a relationship. don't push her to just jump in. keep hanging out with her and she will come around when she realizes you are so trustworthy. it might take a while. but if she is worth it you will keep it steady.
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